after hours

my sorrow is a monster

ten feet tall

all beady eyes and

teeth sharper than razor blades

nipping at my heels

i cannot run fast enough

to evade this black wave

that has only grown with me

nestled up against my ribcage

like vines crushing the life from

a once mighty tree

covered in all these hurts

but it wasn’t always this way

some monsters aren’t 

just the way they are

some monsters are made

and this monster was nurtured

a catalogue of things i can’t fix

things i can’t change

things that were done to me

and there’s only so much

i can drink

only so many painkillers 

i can swallow

before i feel nothing at all

my sorrow is not my friend

these claws only know how to

rend and tear

never knowing a touch that 

was anything other than cold

this choke-chain i hold

in my shaking hands

hardly seems like enough to

contain such a beast

and i don’t want to be

like my parents

i don’t want to be 

like you, lover boy

drowning my sorrow in

whatever i can reach

my sorrow will not

make me as monstrous

as this darkness so

often feels