queer-with-a-pen

after hours

my sorrow is a monster

ten feet tall

all beady eyes and

teeth sharper than razor blades

nipping at my heels

 

i cannot run fast enough

to evade this black wave

that has only grown with me

 

nestled up against my ribcage

like vines crushing the life from

a once mighty tree

covered in all these hurts

 

but it wasn’t always this way

some monsters aren’t 

just the way they are

some monsters are made

 

and this monster was nurtured

a catalogue of things i can’t fix

things i can’t change

things that were done to me

 

and there’s only so much

i can drink

only so many painkillers 

i can swallow

before i feel nothing at all

 

my sorrow is not my friend

these claws only know how to

rend and tear

never knowing a touch that 

was anything other than cold

 

this choke-chain i hold

in my shaking hands

hardly seems like enough to

contain such a beast

 

and i don’t want to be

like my parents

i don’t want to be 

like you, lover boy

drowning my sorrow in

whatever i can reach

 

my sorrow will not

make me as monstrous

as this darkness so

often feels 

Comments2

  • LAWLESS

    I wish I could give this one an eternity of stars. The sorry you have felt and seemingly come to terms with, is so genuine and real. Your poetry always astounds me. You are a true talent.

    • queer-with-a-pen

      I’ve come to terms with parts of my sorrow, but others are still a bit harder to work with. I don’t want to let the darker parts of myself and my childhood make me a bitter adult. As always, thank you so much for continuing to read and support my work😁

      • LAWLESS

        Sorrow not “sorry”. I must’ve been drinking while commenting.

      • yellowrose

        The personification of sorrow ... Being like a monster . Very good ! Sometimes pain can make us lash out and hurt others and sometimes that can feel out of our control ... " these claws only know how to rend and tear " pain can affect how we sometimes are with other people ... Sometimes .



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