Ice and Lava

I am a girl formed of

Ice and Lava.

When I am frozen,

The world around me becomes

Just a little brittle.

People seem even more fragile

Than I am,

Like if I tap them

Where their fissures run deep,

They would shatter

As I have.

When I am aflame,

I feel violently alive.

My fingers melt around

Things I most treasure

As I hold them close

To my magma core,

I shine, a dying Supernova

In a land of yellow suns.

Will I take them with me

When I go?

When I act how I’ve been taught,

Time trudges by unhindered.

I feel like I’m drowning in the shallow end,

Mumbling a pleading mantra,

But the people on the shore

Hear nothing. See nothing.

They comment among themselves

About how well-behaved the water is

How smooth, how quiet, how obedient.

They look across,

But never beneath.

I do not need people to know me,

But I want it.

I want it so badly

My lungs burn with unsaid words,

My heart freezes with fragile hopes,

Then my numbness saves me.

I know many, many people— 

They've divulged their deepest secrets 

With a pitiful amount of persuasion.

They spill their lives

Their very souls to me,

Yet they never ask me anything in return.

No one knows me.

Isn’t it sad 

To have such power

Over everyone around you,

With no one to keep you in check?

No one to challenge you

No one to change you

No limits

No restrictions.

You decided all the rules you live by.

And yet, in complete freedom,

All I have found is a prison.

The bars of self-preservation keep me in

The cell of isolation.

I may know nigh everything about them,

But they will not know me.

I know how to destroy them

I do not want them to have that same opportunity in me.

Why do humans so desire vulnerability?

I suppose that another reason is

I hurt those I touch.

The few things I love, I love so completely

I oft destroy them.

It has been a well-worn pattern in my life,

And if I am to confide in them,

Make a friendship with them,

Build my life around them,

I will not be their undoing.

So I will weather thoughts colder than an arctic night,

I will burn in my passion, content in my ashes,

And I will keep this all from everyone.