And if today the world could cease
Which part of me would I release?
My numb drum heart, or broken bones
Laid deep just like a welcome home


And as I fantasise of my demise
Whilst keeping on amidst these lies
Soft ropes and tempting dagger’s invite
Bring visions that soothe and promise delight


And as the world tells me I’m all wrong
That behind my mad dreams I must be strong
I wonder of this idea of wrong or right
As another being breaks and loses their fight


And as I write and fight and choose
Which part of me I’m set to lose
Fear not as you hear me moan and shout
For it’s just a dream that I let out


And though you may never truly understand
When I say I wish to die by my own hand
Try see that dying may not mean I’m ending
It may just be my new dawn descending


  • Neville

    Probably most people struggle to understand why someone will go to the extreme length of self determination or suicide... historically known as self murder... I for one , having worked with many hundreds, maybe thousands of people with suicidal ideation and intentions over many years can see that there are as many reasons as there are would be self murderers... Some folk, just can not be prevented from committing suicide .. that does not make them necessarily bad, selfish, weak or wrong... I Know if for example I was in chronic pain, or aware that my cognitive faculties were failing there would be a good chance of me trying to find a way out of the humiliation, agony and despair....

    Jeez.. rant over I thought today's poem was very poignant my friend .. well constructed and hope it serves to make folk appreciate life and poetry if nothing else..... N

    • sylviasearcher

      Thanks Neville
      I’m not sure of the intention of these words, sometimes they just feel better out...

      • Neville

        Now that I truly understand... N

      • dusk arising

        Courageous writing from the heart of your very soul.
        What fear of death when it bids a new beginning one may ask. What judgement may be made upon one in the hereafter.
        What faith, hope and solace can i give to one who finds our world too cruel for their existence? What right have those who stand in the way of self extinction?
        Where does any right to be judgemental originate?

        • sylviasearcher

          Thanks Dusk, as a mother I know that these are just feelings I have to bear... I could never be that legacy.

          But who am I to judge the plight of another mother, who could not keep bearing that load?

        • tepo

          Keep writing it out
          Gain strength
          So many can't or won't and leave many unanswered questions
          Great write on tough subject

          • sylviasearcher

            Thanks buddy... your poem inspired me to write this one...

          • orchidee

            A fine write Sylvia. It's a mystery - well, sometimes. But understandable sometimes - too much hurt, pain - of body, soul, or spirit.
            If it wasn't so serious a theme I would say: 'Doh, tried it once; jumped in the duck pond; the water only came up to me ankles. I can't do anything right!' (heehee).

            • sylviasearcher

              And in humour there is therapy too!

              I smiled! Honest! 😎

              • orchidee

                Oops, glad you saw the humour too! Miss Sue E. Side is bad for our health (bit of dark humour there!). Now c'mon Orchi, it's a serious theme!

              • 1 more comment

              • LAWLESS

                Extremely well written! The mindset you describe is spot on. The song is not. I believe it minimizes the pain a suicidal person goes through.

                • sylviasearcher

                  You’re probably right about the song, it normalises despair.

                  I once tried helping my son who had autism by ‘normalising’ it. He got very upset and told me ‘you make it sound like it’s no big deal.’

                  He taught me something that day.

                  And I guess the song does the same. Make it sound like ‘no big deal.’

                  I’d like to say i was poetically making my point about people not understanding but...

                  Maybe moby, why does my heart feel so bad would have been better?

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