Self Hate

Hate...

A feeling unhealthy.

Energy you should have towards no man.

But what if it is directed towards yourself?

 

You hate yourself.

You hate who you are.

What you’ve done.

How you’ve hurt.

 

You hate the feelings you feel.

You hate all that you are.

You hate what you have become and have been.

And you hate the feeling of hating yourself itself.

 

They say one should love oneself.

But are you really deserving of self love?

You sure aren’t deserving of love from another.

Undeserving...

 

Underserving of the happiness you felt

Greater than the City of Alexandria.

Greater than anything the gods could craft.

Greater than you could have imagined.

 

Deserving of the resentment.

Worse than that of a shunned child.

An orphanage of feelings left to disperse.

A shelter for the love you must now tuck away.

 

You’ve brought this upon yourself

That a world of darkness with a gravitational pull for bad decisions.

You’ve pushed away the only light you’ve had.

The only happiness you will receive.

 

They say happiness can be found in the darkness of places.

Once you turn on the light.

But your light bulb is blown.

The fixture fried.

 

Because you over used that light.

You were scared of shadows so you kept it on.

But the thing with shadows is

You need light to make them.

 

You’re light was there in the darkness of times.

It was there when the sun had set.

The shadow was your sign that it had not left.

But yet you were scared that it would go.

 

You were scared that a new day would not come.

That the sun wouldn’t rise.

You planned ahead to prevent the never ending night.

While the day was there all along.

 

You fool.

You ignorant ass.

You inconsiderate bigot.

You bastard.

 

How could you take the light for granted?

How could you let her go?

Your walking sign of light, laughter, and love?

How could you?

 

Now you suffer.

Suffer as you should.

Suffer and you deserve.

Hate for yourself.