Dreams

My finger tips and my lips.

They burn from the cigarettes.

My liver screams.

From the alcohol.

 

Why did you go?

Why did you leave?

Why couldn’t you wait a few days more?

Why couldn’t you give me that last chance?

 

But why did I wait?

Why did I do what I did?

Why did I hurt you?

Why did I make you stay?

 

Why do I hope that you come back?

When you might be better off without me.

Why do I ignore what’s best for you?

And focus on what’s best for me?

 

My sunshine.

My precious sunshine.

Who makes me happy

When skies are grey.

 

But my skies are deadly.

And you are no longer here to clear them.

Because you’re tired of having to do it.

Tired of the storm.

 

I thought we could walk through the storm together.

I wanted it.

And at one point you did too.

But a simply storm became a Cat 5 hurricane. Too much.

 

Yet I beg and I plead.

Praying you’d walk with me.

Because I know the storm will pass.

But not everyone can wait until then.

 

You took a way out.

A way you can only go alone.

And left me. Standing.

No longer walking.

 

No longer walking to the end of the storm.

But now sitting in the eye.

Surrounded by the worst of it.

With no desire for clear skies without you.

 

I’d rather have bad times with you.

Than good times with someone else.

Because even the bad times were sweeter

Than anything anyone else can bring.

 

But that was for me.

Not for you.

I brought hell to your heaven.

Famine to your feast.

 

And I know what I can do to change it.

But I waited till you starved.

Waited until the heat took its toll.

Waited until you had enough.

 

Bad luck to talk on these rides.

Bad luck to predict its end.

Jinxing our dreams together.

A ring. A child. A family. A blessing beyond measure.

 

All dreams we had for each other.

Dreams that I know could have come to fruition.

Dreams that were possible.

Dreams I killed.

 

And although it is too late to fix us.

I will still strive to make it up to you.

Because I care for you still and I will...

Forever.

 

What can I do to know you...

Better than I do now.

What can I do to love you...

More than I do now.

 

So I say goodbye to the love of my life.

The girl of my dreams.

A future unobtainable with anyone else.

My prayer I thought had been answered.

 

But hopefully just for now.

Hopefully you see the changes.

Hopefully you see what is possible again.

But if not...

 

I say goodbye to the world I knew.

Goodbye to the hopes and dreams I strived for.

The love I starve for.

And the girl I would do and should’ve done anything for.