i owe you my son

i owe you

for saving my life

i was attempting suicide 

an overdose 

they say i might have 

not died

certainly my body 

would’ve been damaged 

for the rest of my life 


i owe you my son

i owe you

for loving me

for being my best friend 

for being with me 

seeing who i am

they say i’m not

a good father 

believe me my son

they do not know us


i am here for you

you have taken 

a wrong turn

suicide is not a solution 

misery is not your life 

it does not define you

don’t let it consume you

it will try to destroy you

life is many things 

misery comes and goes 


i owe you my son

i owe you

the happiness 

you will find

the life 

you will live

please let me 

save it

i owe you

for saving mine




  • Clara

    Blessings to both you and your son.....


      I believe in blessings, I count them constantly. Thank you.

    • FredPeyer

      Lawless, this one seems to come straight from your heart. Am glad you and your son are still around!

      • LAWLESS

        Thank you Fred. I wrote this after picking him up from the hospital. He truly is the best friend I’ve ever had.

        • FredPeyer

          Are you both OK now? I wish you both all the BEST!

        • 1 more comment

        • Goldfinch60

          Wonderful heartfelt words James.

          • LAWLESS

            Thanks Andy, your comments are always appreciated.

          • queer-with-a-pen

            I am beyond flattered that I am your favorite poet on here. Teared up a bit while reading this poem, too. I honestly can't see what people mean when they have called you a bad father, and wish my own father would have been more like you.

            It is obvious that you love your son so much, and want him to be healthy and happy. I would leave the poem as it is, as the rawness and love is tangible.

            I do want to say for you, though, that only your son can save his own life. What you can do is help him as much as you can to overcome this, and build a life worth living. Carry as much of this for him as you possibly can, and help him find the tools to save himself.

            The mental health system is a crock, but your son is very fortunate to have this kind of support in such a hard time. For both your sake, I hope this dark time does not linger.

            • LAWLESS

              Things have taken a horrific turn for the worse. I’ll get back to you at a later date.

              • LAWLESS

                Things have gone another route, he and I are recovering from a complete mental breakdown that he had.

                Your comment is insightful and encouraging. My family and I agree that he must find a way to save his own life. He is 18 and the transition to adulthood has caused intense emotions. Doctors are putting labels on him and feeding him medications. They have done the same to me and others in my family. I’m certain that he has the intelligence and willpower to navigate through all the complexities of his situation.

                As for this poem, I’m being very patient in editing it. I’ve been given great advice from Diamond, and have received encouragement from another poet via a private message. Your poetry has showed me the struggles that young adults go through when they’re labeled as “different”. It has also helped me to understand my son more. Thank you for being you!

              • 1 more comment

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