Equivalent of Nothing

there is nothing that could be powerful enough to carve the words out of my chest

so a blank gaze wanders to an uncertain spot to remain until the words once again find me

but they won't return without a fight, leaving my mind to drift through white madness

black ink is jarred into the pale insanity, and any focus to it brings immense pain

i think people are trying to reach me, but the words become filtered in darkness

they will never see what I see in my own personal torment, an envy that causes more pain

something I cannot express is how much I hate being trapped when I don't understand why

why do I feel so inclined to decline into the insufferable psychological hell

i look into his eyes and I know that it's hurting him, quite like the others

and I swear on my life, I feel it too, but my self expression has been robbed of me

empty eyes, but a heart that is feeling everything to disturbing degree

my limbs have gone limp because I'm afraid they too have followed me to nowhere

lastly, my body goes cold, as if it's trying to release the presence of itself on this day

i become the equivalent of the vacancy inside of me

since the words seem to have slipped away, a collage of feelings rush to take the place

but the filter has been removed, the clasp has been broken

there is no self control to what I feel, and I'm sorry to those that I have hurt already

nothing good comes from a crazed mind that is slowly stripping itself away

because in these moments I can say that I truly, want to die

and I know that those words cannot hurt you anymore than they hurt me

lost and vulnerable looking for a way out of the maze of frustration and confusion

i haven't once yet since not been grateful for the words that I say otherwise

words come so natural until they're spoiled by the product of an ungrateful conscience

yet still, the pain of carving the words out seems bearable now

compared to the feeling of nothing, as if no one, and nothing, has ever been, or will ever be

please just know that I am still looking for a way out, I assure you

i will find that door, so incredibly vibrant and full of nothing but overgrown life

and when I look into your eyes, I can finally see you again