When you came back into my life

When you came back into my life

I thought it was God letting me know that I could have my happy ending after all. That there was good in this world and that all was not lost.

But it was a tease. For the life I had hoped for will never be. And now in the twilight of my life I suffer. And endure. And pray for a swift end.

Because the pain in my heart is too great to sustain. The sadness will never be healed. And while I thought you were the one who was sent to be my angel, instead it is only torture and anguish I feel.

Thinking that life could change for me and be a happy one, that is not to be. The reality is I’m no more deserving than anyone. No more due a happy life than the saddest of men. And why God chose to tease me so. To dangle the promise of hope in front of me, only to then rip it away.

Why, oh why dear God. Did I offend you in some way. Did you not see me or hear my cries?  Why Lord is the one I love so hard and so much not the one for me.

How cruel, how unfair life can be. To have three loves ripped away, how much can one heart take. I’d rather be done with this life than to ever go through this again. No amount of time will ever heal my wounds, will ever make me whole again.

So it is time for me to say goodbye to this cold, cruel world. Time for me to pass onto another life. May it be better than the last. And may hope endure in my heart to pull me forward in that life. And not repeat the mistakes of my past lives, not have to feel the same pain. I know life is suffering but maybe I’ve had more than my share. Maybe in the next life it won’t be so bad.