Virginity

I made it seem like it didn’t bother me 

so as to not scare you away.

He said there’s nothing as innocent as the first time,

It felt like it 

i made it seem like the image of your body on mine wasn’t terrifying,

like i was okay with trusting you,

like my past didn’t haunt me with every fear I held in my heart. 

i made it seem like afterwards i was okay with doing it again,

like it was a shadow in the past never to be seen again,

like it left my memory like an old childhood friend,

so as to not scare you away. 

Again and again and again. 

“i’ll go slow”, you whispered,

so as to not scare me away

 He took my soul away.