Unsub

Blackout

Here comes the collapse

Never knew it was coming until it was too late

It was so fast & hard

The strike took me clean off my feet

Smacked the ground face first

Then my boundaries came tumbling down

Rubble rained down on me

I tried to stand but the weight was too heavy

Broken; I curled into a ball

 

Engulfed by the relentless darkness

Deep into the void beyond the abyss

Into the arms of unconsciousness

 

Blackout; no warning

Blackout; no control

Blackout; consume me whole

 

Here comes the collapse

Never knew it was coming until it was too late

It was so quick & harsh

The impact knocked me off my feet

Face first I smacked the ground

Then my defences began to cave in

Burying me in a pile of stone

I tried to crawl but the pain was too intense

Broken; I curled into a ball

 

Falling, spiralling, out of control

Twisting, tumbling

Upside down, inside out

Plunging, plummeting

Descending, down, deeper & deeper

There is no bottom

Nothing to break this fall

Nothing, nothing below me at all

 

Engulfed by the relentless darkness

Deep into the void beyond the abyss

Into the arms of unconsciousness

 

© 2020 Unsub

Comments10

  • Alan .S. Jeeves

    Welcome back after the break Dan.
    Good first write for 2020, plenty going on here. Begins and ends well too.

    Ex animo, Alan

    • Unsub

      Alan,

      not sure I'm really back; I'm finding MPS a little too much full of religious & political nonesense with very little constructive feedback anywhere.

      I need feedback so am posting elsewhere & am finding like-minded poets who write poetry & give feedback without all the ego, the house-hunting tripe, friendship collecting & comment counting - it's like facebook.

      Happy 2020 to you my dear friend,

      Unsub.

    • JaydeVictoria

      Really felt this poem and related to it as well. Brilliant write with a lot of tension inside of it.

      • Unsub

        jayde,

        nice to receive a comment from someone who has actually read it through & understands - appreciated.

        Unsub.

      • orchidee

        You fell down a hole? How you ever gonna get out of it?!
        Was it a hole that you dug yourself deeper into?

        • Unsub

          Hmmm!

          Unsub.

        • Seek

          Great write. When you hit the bottom, the only place to go will be up. Cheers!

          • Unsub

            Seek,

            let's hope so!

            thanks for dropping by,

            Unsub.

          • LAWLESS

            Hap hap happy 20/20 bro. Missed your dark writes. This one reminds me of my night of drinking the other day; mixed with a bowl of weed of course!

            • Unsub

              Lawless,

              yes happy 20/20!

              Miss my dark writes a lot more going forward!

              Unsub.

            • Fay Slimm

              Wow - - an amazingly dark ride into dizzy down-ness --- have felt this way only once when I had too much wine - and ugh - will never again.........

              • Unsub

                Fay,

                thanks for visiting my dear friend - happy 20/20 to you.

                Unsub.

              • myself and me

                What happened to the fighter, the knight? Has he back to conscious yet?

                • Unsub

                  m&m,

                  not yet!

                  Unsub.

                • ZIGGY

                  Deep into the void beyond the abyss
                  Into the arms of unconsciousness, those are my favourite lines in this it reads so well I like poetry to be spoken, as for me how it sounds when spoken gives me a far better effect than just reading, always a pleasure to read your words,, zigs

                  • Unsub

                    Zigs,

                    the least read poet on MPS who writes the best poetry & gives the best reviews. This place is too wrapped up in itself to appreciate a real poet like you my friend.

                    You take it easy; I'm coming over to Ireland for that visit soon!

                    Unsub.

                    • ZIGGY

                      Hey there unsub wow what can I say wow, ya your your visit is very welcome indeed can't wait to see you in person

                    • Evergreen

                      I really enjoyed reading this.

                      • Unsub

                        Evergreen,

                        ok thanks.

                        Unsub.

                      • Jason Vancelette (AKA Pharaoh33)

                        I can't believe that you literally get like 60 to 80 comments every time you post...fyck man...i dont think many people on this site have the attention span to really read most of my shit...and if they do they dont have either a clue how or the balls to post comments..its irritating

                        • Unsub

                          33,

                          I don’t look at others poems & count comments so I don’t know if I get loads more than others. Mine are most probably complaints rather than positive feedback.

                          I’d rather have one decent comment than 15 mediocre ones anyway.

                          If they don’t have the attention span to read your work then those poets aren’t worth your time. Too many are here to be told how wonderful they are & the moment you say anything against a poem you get shot down.

                          Just had a lengthy private message from PotbellyPleb telling me how awful a person I am because I questioned their recent poem! Honestly people, grow a backbone!

                          Thanks for reading my last 400 & commenting; I’m wading through slowly & I have your pm to answer too.

                          Unsub.



                        To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.