Happy birthday Matthew Scott Harris

Yours truly snapped, popped,

and cracked his crown out cervix

(I'll spare ye the bloody graphics),

whence obstetrician able, eager, and

ready underscored with italics

to pass (think football) garden variety

wrinkled newborn asthma

noggin heralded lix

plus deux orbits ago

sported an ordinary

uneventful, nonetheless miraculous

biological secrete reproductive tricks

immediately screaming

without assistance courtesy

Gran Prix (now pronounce as pricks)

also envision Dolby surround sound

nsync with spastic kicks

'o mine straggly mostly

gangly lovely bones mox nix.

Within some nondescript

Cincinnati, Ohio hospital heed gypped

(i.e. none other than me)

thy young mother of prolonged labor

as his bony ass easily

slipped out uterine crypt

whereby with Vernix

caseosa, the waxy or cheese

he appeared made rather dipped

in tallow, thence unexpectedly whipped

minuscule fist ready to bump.

Once placenta and fetal membranes

(unnecessary as wing ding)

discharged out uterus

after birth of offspring,

and thar weren't no more

major contractions in the offing

ma mommy lovingly did cling

to her bundle of joy and bring

maternal breast I ravenously

did suckle fortunately toothless

against her tender bosom trickling

(if mammary serves me correctly)

I presently recall no iota of inkling

what events transpired, nope

no recollection about me circumcising.

Moost likely I felt Jew bull lent

glad yours truly chose decent

mother and father, which opinion

subjected to radical change,

when as grown adult child

living nonsocial under

their roof forced to hire agent

provocateur to practice sparring,

when standoff event on horizon,

which eventually begat ultimatums

their red hot poker rage spent

belittling, cursing, damning...

quiet as Unitarian Church mouse content

internalizing later smoldering

anger I needed to vent

in retrospect diminutive little boy

tied to mama's apron strings

afflicted with mental

health issues inherent

of course hindsight gleaned

social, psychological, neurological...

healthy development got rent

asunder partly explaining

why I became indigent.