a cry for help

Depression. What is depression? Depression is a pain… that feeling you 

Get in your chest, that feeling of something over

Weighed is pressing up against you as if somebody took 

Their palms placed them on your chest like bowling balls and pressed Down

But yet… what is pain? Why me? Why did depression choose to come into 

My life and break me down piece by piece! Every breath I took depression was there to

Take it back every smile that creased the sides of my cheeks depression

Was there… it took over my mind and once I started to think of Pain the dimple in my cheek as I smiled slowly drifted away as if depression didn’t want me to be happy. I cried pools of sorrow at night wondering why the angel watching over me was my mom I cried pools of sorrow not understanding why depression wants my life why depression whispers in my “You will never be happy until You’re gone”! But I still wake up everyday by the grace of god and paint that happy mask on my face but there, once again was depression going to school with me as I walk around happy it was always there behind my painted mask reminding me every step I take that I Am Depressed. This feeling that I feel daily I would never wish on my worst enemy because how.... just how can you defeat something that’s already winning by killing you inside, how can you keep fighting when you have no energy because depression is telling your mind your heart your soul to “just give up I already won”. They said today will be better but yesterday was supposed to be better so how do I know tomorrow will be ok? “It will never be ok as long as you keep waking up it is YOUR TIME TO GO” words of my friend depression. I took the advice that maybe the only way for me to be happy is to be gone the Only way for me to be free from YOU is to swallow these pain pills and sleep, sleep until there’s no awake, sleep until you see the light, SLEEP until you aren’t hearing voices telling you your not good enough. But as I wake up the next day I run to the bathroom with the world spinning and I throw up all the pain I took the night before but…. Why am I awake? Another chance at life says my heart but there was depression telling me to try again keep trying until your existence is no longer keep trying until you are no longer able to feel me, keep Trying!! My dad would never understand the personal battle that I had with myself each and every day was something new my dad would never understand how his daughter cried herself to sleep almost every night asking Begging God to heal the pain that my father would never know about. He witnessed his daughter trying to leave the world and his words “she wants attention” attention is the last thing I wanted. I wanted myself back the happy joyful Me. Depression took over me and I was never the same again. I learned that fighting my battles was better the running away from them because I wouldn’t run from a female on the street so why am I trying to run from a Thought a pain.. A feeling in my heart.