Beach Visioning

There is nothing exciting about my poxy life 

I think, winding down

This isn't how I had mapped things out

I know the lonely town more than I know myself

Things have never been the same since the pain doubled 

It's a hefty noise that's keeping me awake 

I'm strategically placed 

With nothing good to look forward to

All I can see is a cloudy view

It's my vision 

If this is my last night on earth

So be it, so be it

I hate it, I hate it like I'm Ludwig of Bavaria

I'm the antithesis of happiness 

Forever chasing thrills

I can't keep on lying to myself

I am ill at the thought of it, Jesus 

I have hours to kill, in a bad circumstance

I watch the rain dance and puddles glisten

I'm content but something is missing 

Watching the dancing ribbons 

Spin and frolic 

I rub the sore spot, I cough and spit

Selfish and selfless

Leaves of Grass, depressed Gen Z

Lifeless, bevelled edge 

Painting the Eye of Horus 

Next to Pasco, smoking on skid row

Nothing can bring me back to life 

I'm a moth at night 

Following discs and chinks of light

I'm keyed-up and I'm heading westward

Heading into the thick of the murk 

With Neptune winds 

Grinding molars, Aesop's proverb 

I'm not a simple greenhorn 

There has been a quantum jump

Still, I take one step forward and two back 

Like I'm an archaeologist in a temple 

Looking for nuggets of gold

It's a habit, I'm struggling to break it 

I've been dead inside for years 

Wiping away the useless tears, the rheum 

The moon slowly disappears 

High on the moors, I'm doing business

In open wilderness 

I'm wearing sozzled eyes 

I've dismounted the steed

There must be a doctrine 

I want it to be serene 

I have no fixed rhyming scheme 

Experimenting with my sexuality 

I'm a fragile plaything 

Obsessed with suicide and sodomy.