LAWLESS

Intestinal Repulsion

   It was a splendid day in the captivatingly gorgeous Rocky Mountains. A bicycle ride with my boy up the arduous climb of Mount Herman. The air was intoxicating, invigorating, mostly purifying. After suffering properly, we decided to turn around.

  We narrowly survived the treacherous, snow cursed descent into downtown Monument. 

  Perusing the cafes that were open during a Christian town’s Sunday, we came across a quaint little hole in the wall. Little did I know it would be the beginning of my belly’s dysfunction.

  Looking at the overpriced, tourist aimed menu, I saw it. A bowl of green chili at a reasonable price. Nick being the wise one, went with a huge portion of waffles, eggs, and some quality coffee.

   With the endolphins (my daughter’s word) still pleasantly flowing, I began to chow down on the delectable New Mexican treat. Enjoying it thoroughly, I began to realize an odd texture and unpleasant flavors. It was chewy and bland, with a hint of what seemed like poison. The natural high I was on disintegrated. In horror, the ingredient became clear. Swine, putrid pork!

   Me being a vegetarian for many years, nearly fainted. In my post physical exertion  bliss, I inadvertently ordered a dish with meat.

   Facing what seemed to be a certain death from consuming animal flesh, we hurried home.

   In a dizzying few hours, I began to feel the impending fate of my bowels. That shit fed beast was about to be blown out of me.

   I sat there on my throne of torture for ‘round ‘bout an hour. Blast after intensifying blast, that filthy critter was evacuated from my fragile, plant eater body.

  The moral of this story is, look before you eat. There might be an evil presence in your dish that will cause your intestines to fire off poop rockets!

Comments5

  • Syd

    😂😂😂 Real funny Lawless.

    I haven't been on MPS for ages. Someone sent me a friend request so I logged in and was met with this.

    Love it. Stay unorthodox Lawless.

    - Syd

    • LAWLESS

      Good of ya to make an appearance. I’ve got a six pack & an edible in me at this point, so it’ll be short.

      Thanks man!

    • Barry Hodges

      As a meat eater, I still sympathise. I have eaten some REPULSIVE vegetables in my time. In fact, I've also screwed a couple of women who were half way to being potatoes..

      • LAWLESS

        It’s the opposite for me. I’ve eaten some REPULSIVE women, and screwed some hollowed out potatoes.

        • Barry Hodges

          Excellent response!
          Eating out has always been a great pastime. Included are meals in restaurants.

        • orchidee

          Oh lol, fine write L. Mind those vindaloos too! And sprouts can be dangerous too - windy!

          • LAWLESS

            Had to tick this one 18+. The crude humor in the comments would make your pup hurl.

            It does get windy at my house. Three vegetarians and a supremely flatulent dog. All our neighbors have moved away.

            Thanks for daring to read this sad, sorted tale.

          • Unsub

            Lawless,

            The rhyming sequence is shit!

            Unsub.

            • LAWLESS

              Hickory dickory
              Dock
              Unsub’s head is like a Cock
              Not a hit at the cell Block
              Rapists ran away in Shock

              Better?

              • Unsub

                Perfect!

                Unsub.

              • 1 more comment

              • The Uneducated O.A.P

                Lol, My kind of short story Lawless, A fart shall forever be called a poop rocket in this household, Bill

                • LAWLESS

                  My buddy at work had a shart recently. Cleaned himself up and went back to work. What a trooper! I go home when that happens.

                  Thanks Billy Boy for going back to this one. Bedways is rightways for you old man. Isn’t it like 1 am. there in the U.K.?

                  • The Uneducated O.A.P

                    I like a good story at bedtime (11pm here), your buddy obviously worked alone!, never had a shart down the leg, must be the tightly fitted nappy, keep safe, Bil



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