Felicityjones

Depression

Depression is more than just an emotion, it's also a physical thing. Feeling pain and hopelessness, wondering why can't you just be happy? It stabs you with all these lies, brainwashing you. "You're not good enough and you're a terrible person". Every breath you take is a battle to stop yourself from making it your last. So much suffering and dread, yet the doctors give you meds and say "It's all in your head". Wishes to be dead.. not here anymore. You try to talk, but does anyone even listen? Do they actually understand? Most of the time you get insensitive answers. "You're fine", "there is no reason to be this way", "you're in control of your feelings". Getting out of bed and ready for the day, sounds easy, right? Wrong. Trying to be productive makes your body hurt, it's so weak and burned out. The fatigue hits you and then you find yourself a mess of ratted up hair and rotting teeth. You don't seem to care about your apperance anymore or if you even eat. You feel alone and helpless, trying to make it work. Do they not see this monster that has control over you? That's the thing, it's invisible so nobody sees. Now you cut off people and you have quit your job because you simply cannot do it anymore. You smash everything infront of you, your scared and angry. Viewed as problematic and vicious by the people in your life. What has gotten into you? You were not like this a week ago. People keep pushing what they believe you should do onto you. They say they know what will work for you. If you tell them that it doesn't work, they will just tell you that you didn't try hard enough and you don't want to get better. This whole depression thing is not like a virus, it cannot be cured with some soup and a little bed rest. This is your mind, something you can't run and hide from. Doesn't matter where you are when it hits you. You could be at a party, hanging out with friends, or going to work. There's no telling when it will strike you. You can have a pretty good life, but that doesn't stop depression from taking over. You're doing the best you can, but they won't see it, so we bottle it up. We hold back the tears and hide the chest pains and learn how to smile and laugh. You're living a lie. You tell lies so you don't "bother" anyone with it. That's all you do now until it crushes you, it's inevitable.

Comments1

  • Clara

    You, dear one, keep fighting this. You're not as alone as you might think. This disease is an epidemic. I don't aim to preach or advise or say you're fine. Just keep your head above those clouds. You are loved. You are wanted here.



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