Evergreen

It’s My Own Damn Fault

Red flags and sirens

Documentation of things I’m not fine with

I take every glance, every word as a threat

There’s lots of pounding

Please get out of my head

 

I unlocked the doors and opened the windows

Can I trust that you won’t break that?

Mmmm I don’t know though

You and your smile has got me thrown off balance

Must be something about those purple tinted glasses

I know I got issues and I can’t explain them

Just know that I’m trying real hard to refrain them

 

My body wants to sink into your comfort but my mind wants to say a few words

My heart tries to argue

He’ll respect me, he promised

But everyone knows that a man is full of bullshit

 

Once again there’s a damn girl with short blonde hair

And who can compete with that short blonde hair

I swear I’ve had it

So tired of feeling threatened

So tired of feeling paranoid

 

Do I really like him? Or am I filling a void?

I don’t even need this

But I wish just for once I would let myself have some joy

Joy is a permanence

Happiness is temporary

But I’m gonna make a bet that he’ll have forgotten me by next January

 

Even if worst comes to worse and it all goes hell

I’ll try to tell myself that I handled it well

Then blame it on me and won’t let it be

Until I’ve drilled in my head what the truth is

I said

 

Stop taking down walls for boy toys and dolls

Now gather your shit and try not to fall

Because at the end of the day if I let down my guard

My heartache is only my own damn fault



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