I was sorry to hear that you had died.

Yes, it's true, I almost cried

When I heard that you had died.

My head felt hollow, my legs went weak

And for a time I could not speak.

My heart was pounding fit to bust,

I admit I was completely non-plussed:

I almost fainted, my breath came short,

My eyes would not behave as they ought:

I was seeing double, then treble, then four,

I could not walk in a line anymore,

A sob began to form in my throat,

The floor seemed suddenly very remote.

I hurled a book across the room

Hoping this would dispel the gloom

Of this terrible news which has shocked us all;

A worse day than this I cannot recall.

We have cancelled all our trips abroad

And, though a refund is not assured,

We hope to get fifty percent,

Though they wanted you to give your consent.

Ah, me! These are troubled times,

The waters are muddy, and I think that sometimes

Catastrophe is just around

The corner. Thefts and muggings abound,

The climate is changing, storms are raging,

Nuclear arms proliferating,

And strange diseases are taking hold.

But don't believe all you are told:

'Cos most of the news is fake, you see,

CNN, and BBC,

Drivel and trivia all the time

Just to keep you and me in line.

Teaching us not to think at all,

Feeding us pap, serving us gall.

Frankly, you're not missing much, I'd say,

If it's not too bad where you are, I'd stay.