Memories of El Paso - A Tribute to Marty Robbins

In a Texan cantina in the town of El Paso
I got the hots for a Mexican tart;
We'd share a botillo and a tortilla
(she had indigestion and how she would fart);
Smoother than silk was the skin of this maiden,
How we would snog and enjoy a good laugh;
My lust was deep for this dark skinned young vixen,
In spite of the fact that she needed a bath.

One night a fat old lesbian came in,
Clutching a burger and fries
[CHORUS] FRRRREYYYYYYY-EYYYEEZZZZZ!
Hairy but daring, my bird she was ogling
Whilst the grease from her fat lips dropped onto her thighs.

So in anger...
...... I told this fat baggage to go and get knotted,
And keep her fat fingers to her fat self.
Down went hand to the gun that she wore.
My lover was murdered in less than a heart-beat:
My satin-skinned girlfriend was breathing no more.

[ GUITAR SOLO ]
Plinketty-plonketty plinketty-plonketty
Plinketty-plonketty-plinkety-poo
Dinketty-donketty dinketty-donketty
Dinketty-donketty dinketty-doo.

Just for a moment I sat there, reflecting,
Surprised by what I had just then witnessed;
Many thoughts passed through my brain in that moment -
I had but one dread: that I might be next.
Ignoring the shouts of terrified cowboys,
I grabbed my wallet and ran,
[CHORUS: RRRRRUUUUUUU-UH-UH-HUN!]
And in the car park I found a pink van,
Leaped into the front seat, and away I did drive,

Just as fast as...
....I could from that bar in the town of El Paso
Looking for somewhere much calmer to go;
I knew from experience a girl's just a girlfriend
My own skin was all that mattered to me.
There's lots of new bars and lots of new women
And many will give me a blowjob for free;
Who knows who I might meet on the freeway
That leads to the badlands of New Mexico?

[CHORUS & FADE-OUT]
La-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la-lah,
La-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la-lah!