sparkypoet42

An Old Song

There’s an earworm in my head

The song of anger, hatred and frustration

Sung by an artist I know too well,

But the lyrics are lost on me

I feel myself humming the tune of my torment,

An old song that should be a lot less familiar to me

 

I haven’t heard it since I was a little girl,

But it wasn’t sung to me, but to the older version of myself,

Scared, alone and frozen to the tear-soaked mattress.

Gullible to think I wouldn’t be her one day.

But every child thinks they’re invincible to the hardship of the world,

When their parents say they’ll be safe, nurtured and protected

 

How difficult it can be to stop being a child,

When the memories affect me so deeply,

Whenever I close my eyes, I see the face

Of the scared little girl who’s only words are:

“It’ll be better when I’m all grown up”

 

Well I’m grown now,

But those voices are only shouting louder,

Just more criticisms and disappointments

Thrown to the pile that has been burying me all my life

Making it even harder to escape.

 

The monster behind the voices is clear to me now.

It was one being, projecting so many personas and feelings,

It’s been so confusing to pinpoint the actual source.

The only problem is, now it’s been discovered,

Can I finally sleep through the night without waking up, screaming?

The monster returned to sing to me last night,

But I was ready for it, I clutched my duvet

“Let me be brave, let me be brave”

I let the monster sing, louder and closer,

But I stared into the deep cold soul until it was nothing.

 

I gave it nothing, so it became nothing

But the scars of tainted memories will haunt me for years,

I know there will be no more fresh cuts to bear,

The old song will become a distant memory

And a new one will take its place

A song of Prosperity, Love, Bravery and Forgiveness



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