empty glass

how do you grieve someone that is still alive

a heart that is still beating

blood in the veins that is still flowing

air in the lungs, still breathing

eyes still blinking

neurons still firing

how do you forget someone you have known your whole life

from the moment you opened your eyes

the separation of one body from another

from a single cut of a chord

at 10:30am on a thursday in september

how do you hold on to a good memory as a life raft in a flood of painful ones

rolling up your yarn into balls while we watch food network in bed

reading time with you and my brother

Christmas mornings running in to wake you up

tooth fairies and dollars

being my emergency contact in a friend or boy problem

answers to life’s questions

arms of security after a nightmare

after a break up

drip, drip

the sound of the last two drops of wine

drowning out 

day trips

mommy and me days 

dance recitals

sports games

drip, drip

and just like that i was picking you up

in a parking lot

out of a bush

up out of my mind

out of my life

no longer a mother,

just someone who birthed me

and drowned out the memories

drip, drip

from the liquid in the bottles

grieving someone 

who is barely

alive

missing.