Cosmonaut

I see me on a cosmic beach
riding rainbow waves,
leaving out of reach
yesterday's cold graves,
but that's all a fantasy,
a starry-eyed reverie
as seen from the bottom
of my own private tragedy,
the stairway to heaven is long,
every step I take feels wrong,
I'm not even sure my tripping
truly makes me strong,
clueless, ain't read the golden book,
speechless, roads and doors
call me from everywhere I look,
does the answer lie in all the acid
I never ever took? Have I been lost
since I took darkness' hook?
All I've got is self-analysis,
I wanna know myself
before perpetual paralysis,
am I hopelessly mad, neurosyphilis,
or just a bad case of sad, neurosis?
I keep resisting, picking myself
from the shelf where I rest
to avoid life's every test,

I move forward, at times backwards,
i ride the spiral, mostly downward,
that's why I'm asking to be basking
in the light that kills
the shadows I've been masking,
no more chains and ropes,
no more busted hopes,
enough cheap nihilism,
I wanna bridge the schism
between me, myself and I,
not gonna lie, I'm scared,
unprepared, this journey to the sky
is more than I've ever dared,
but don't forget, I'll paint my wings white,
I'm gonna make it right, just live,
write, laugh and cry
until the day I die