The Five

I sit in this big white room alone, scrunched up like paper in the corner,

I feel the tears fall down.

The door is locked from the inside,

To stop the pain, and keep my remaining innocence.

I sit in this room, as The Five routinely visit; Anger, Denial, Depression, Bargain and Acceptance, and they come in many forms and sizes: Anger is a small red Dragon, Denial is a small green Snake, and Depression is a small blue mouse, Whereas Bargain is me dressed in a suit, and Acceptance is me dressed in the comfiest clothes You can find.

Anger likes to scale my clothes, tearing them to shreds

As they curl up on my stomach after scorching these clinical blanched walls.

Acceptance enters after a while, and tries to coax me out, telling me what has happened to me happened, and staying in this room will not change that.

I want to be somewhere else; four years ago before the butterfly fluttered its wings, growing the winds that pushed me into this white room today.

Am I going crazy?

My counsellor says no.

Everything I’m feeling and thinking is totally normal, as I’m processing traumatic grief.

I want to be normal and free again, and I want to stay in this big white room.

But Acceptance is right, and the tears have gone for now.

I cannot stay in this big white room forever.

The Five will always be with me, and maybe eventually they’ll learn to knock before they enter.