Troubled love

I am sorry I was not the best version of me, I could not make sense of who I was and where my mission would dictate where I would be, the confusion masked the way I saw love, I had an idea from what I have seen but the feeling was missing, could love be forced? I had the dreams that invoked the feelings but the meaning of love lost through the physically of the action, the detachments of emotions and the experience and expectations of what love is.

I truly gave up on love as my life hung in the balance, questions created and no answers provided, I was lost in a desolate emptiness of control, I did not want love and ready to accept where I would end up and realise that Love or most forms could not save you and Love may of not have given me the want to stay alive as in the darkest hours you are alone and no matter what you will only be loved truly but one person and most of the time they do not love you back and this person is your conscience. Payer and Devine intervention you beg for and nothing but darkness is beckoned.

I have been moulded to the understanding of love yet do I really truly believe what love is? I am a fool in love or a fool without! I cannot move forward due to the fact I break and damage love, if it could be done in an act, yet I still believe love exists but the ability of one human being able to deceive or develop your understanding of love in its best forms is inexcusable, yet love is moulded and developed though time and patience but one act can single handily destroy what has been created or manufactured, do I believe in love or do I expect it?