chimes

scarlet poet

 That feeling keeps coming back.

Every whiff, every memory.

Every panic, giving me an asthma attack.

Darks rooms and soft moans,

The hurt and hatred echoing back at me.

 

I keep the doors locked.

No one can know my dirty secrets.

If they knew they’d be shocked.

Even so, I’m still trying to figure it out.

Do I hate it or do I hate myself for it?

 

I begged for more time,

It disappeared too fast.

My arousal was a never ending chime.

Ringing in my ear till I went crazy.

I couldn’t control it and got addicted.

 

It was all a planned mistake,

An accident, really.

I got too caught up in the sexuality.

I think I’m now able to live freely.

Deep down, I still can’t forgive myself.

 

I could’ve been better than that.

I hate that it’s still in my head.

I wish I hadn’t wanted it.

I know what I said.

But, I’m the only one to blame.

 

My first sensual relationship.

I wanted the social part,

But all he wanted was me to strip.

I was too young though, too innocent.

But I loved him so I listened.

 

Every glimpse is a sin.

Sometimes I can feel his warm lips.

His cold fingers slowly brushing my skin.

Sometimes I feel his breath.

I scream at these thoughts to leave.

 

Those two months of blindness,

Are now like a trauma.

They horrify and scare me.

I caused so much drama.

It keeps me up at night.

 

By now I think it’ll never end.

Like I’ll never get to hear my real story.

Even his ringtone can wake me up.

I wish I could fix it with a “sorry”.

However, my mistake with die with me.

  • Author: scarlet poet (Offline Offline)
  • Published: June 29th, 2020 15:22
  • Comment from author about the poem: Mistakes can live with us forever, but we need to learn how to accept or embrace it.
  • Category: Erotic
  • Views: 32
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Comments +

Comments2

  • jarcher54

    So vivid and confessional, I don't know what's real and what's being in character. I love the line

    It was all a planned mistake

    Be kind to yourself OK?

    • scarlet poet

      Thank you so much, that means a lot to me

    • Evergreen

      AHHHHH
      I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
      It definitely speaks to a darker time in your life. I’d say you illustrated it perfectly. Love youuuu

      • scarlet poet

        Thank you so much for the support! I appreciate it! Love ya tooooo



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