Her hatred

She always hated me
She thought I was boring
Trying to ruin her fun
She wished I was gone
Not always so near

I lived in fear
Of the control that she had over me
The anger and the rage
Pushing me and holding me
I always gave into her
Persuading me to cave
Knowing that I shouldn’t be
So easy to sway

I lapsed deep into fear
Eating what she’d feed to me
I gave myself away
To moments of insanity
The intense pain
And the sorrow that she’d bring
Something had to give
Before I lost the very essence of me

I don’t know what changed
Something had come over me
I knew she needed to go now
And I had to rid of her carefully
There was a call deep within me
And I moved promptly

Things all happened so fast
I couldn’t fathom what I was considering
But the promise of freedom
Was all too compelling

The thought of a life
Where she wasn’t there
Had never crossed my mind
But now I could see it
It all seemed so clear
My hope newly refined

At the moment I brought her there
I knew I had chosen this blood
It was a simple cleansing
Changing the fabric of my identity
A freshly blossomed bud

I admit there are seasons
I can still hear her voice
All the negativity
Telling me I’m lost
Feeling as if she’s back with me
Like Poe’s tell-tale heart

Always trying to convince me
That I’m not valuable
I was nothing from the start
Saying she’s what made me
Implying we could never be apart

But a voice reminds me
That Jesus promised implicitly
That the old me died indeed
When he received her on the cross

So when I hear the bleating sound
Of that lost girls worldly voice
I cry out my identity
This new me stands her ground

I see and hear in new ways now
The beatings can’t bring my spirit down
I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ