Stabbed In The Back

He walks into the back after taking two days off, after a minute begins to shake and a few tears roll

“What’s going on?” a friend asks, his distress obvious, something taking its toll.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” he replies cold as stone

After two more attempts without success, his friend walks away with a groan.

For the rest of the fortnight, his friend watches him walk slow, be physically weak, give way to bouts of trembling and rapid breath

“I refuse to talk about it!” he says, his friend, “And I refuse to see you walking toward death!”

They argue, he refuses to tell, his friend can’t stand to see him with such aches

Finally, in anger and knowing his friend cares, he breaks

In his dark as the night eyes, the lightning flashed and a fire burned with God’s wrath

His tremors intensify as he manifests the indifferent anger of a sociopath

He clenched so hard his fist

That his fingernails cut his palms and blood dripped down his wrist 

“I got really, really high and saw myself raise the blade

Before I dug it into her back, she didn’t even look afraid.

I didn’t even remember what I’d done after I was sober the next day

Until she told me why we couldn’t be friends anymore, how she became my prey.

I don’t know how far I plunged the knife in or how many times, she refused to let me know

I may have brought her within inches to death, it may have been a single, quarter-inch blow

And I’ve seen her around since and she smiles and says hi

It makes me hurt all over and feel like I’m the one about to die

Hatred is self-destructive, hating me would hurt her, so I don’t want her to hate me

But God, make her despise me as much as she can without hate, I plea

But maybe I’m happy she smiles and says hi because it makes me hate myself more, without reserve

And I want to rage against myself, fall into self-destruction, get what I deserve.”

But his story is only symbolic to the reality

He was high, but on her love, from his pain and anger it had set him free

He did stab her in the back, as he betrayed her trust

And he really did not know what he did, what exact actions stomped her to the dust

He lost his friend by something he did, it haunts him he could hurt someone and not know how

He stabbed her in the back, but does not know which was the broken vow

As he watches shock and disbelief overcome his friend’s face, as he watches a tear escape his friend’s eye,

He digs deep in his self hate and reminds himself loudly on the inside, I did not lie