suicidal

I’m all talk and no action because,

I’m internally screaming

That I want to die.

I’d say it out loud but

That would be

Just a cry for Attention

Not help

Right?

I’m all talk and no action because,

I’m given all

the things Necessary

to commit,

To do what I want done,

And yet I can’t

Bring myself to

Pull the

Trigger.

I’m just a fool

Afraid

Am I just garbage?

I’m all talk and no action because,

Fear makes me immobile

Dries the tears

And turns “I want”

Into “I wish”.

Because you see

Sometimes suicidal isn’t

Pulling the trigger of the dam gun.

Sometimes suicidal is wishing

Someone else would pull the trigger for you.

Sometimes suicidal is wishing

A car might lose control

And crush you,

Or wishing a vein might burst

Inside your head

While you slept

Because then

It wouldn’t be your fault.

No one could be angry at you because

You were all talk and no action.

Sometimes suicidal

Is holding your breath

Just a little

Too long

Hoping you might pass out

Under the water

And drown.

Sometimes suicidal

Is taking one extra pill

And wondering

What will happen

Then waking up the next morning

Angry, you cry

Why the fuck am I still alive?