Problems

You know how they say keep your friends close and your enemies closer? Well, that enemy is myself. I am storm, I go from happy to angry to sad withing minutes. If I am not happy, I am snapping. If I am not snapping, I am having a full on mental break down. You'll never predict who I am going to wake up as or how many times my switches will be flipped throughout the day. I'm what you'd call a modern day Jekyll and Hyde. Don't press your luck, you won't win this game of I can fix her. Believe me, I have tried along with a bunch of different therapists, meds and 11 hospitalizations. I'll be alright for a bit when things are going smooth, but all it takes is a push of that one domino to send the rest to fall. I hate being this, this monster that shows itself at it's own convenience. When I say I am not like other girls, I really fucking mean it. I want off of this carousel, it's making me sick. I am trying so hard to be the opposite of me. I am doing all that I can to change and heal. Sometimes, life doesn't have happy endings though. I believe that there are only happy beginnings because I used to not be like this. I didn't choose this. Believe me, I really don't like myself because of all the people I have hurt and images I painted of myself. I'm unstable. They come and they leave once they see how I am. It's normally great until I let my walls down and allow myself to be exposed. That's always my first mistake. I strive to be that girl I once was before all of these people went and destroyed her. Once I lose him, that will be enough evidence that I truly can't be handled. So don't walk too close, I am a rare case of problems.