The Uneducated O.A.P

I can't do it any more

That's it then

I've pruned my last tree

Painted my last fence

My flow has been ebbed

I don't know any songs in the Top Ten

My doctor is 12

For all those jobs around the house

I have to get a man in

And I'm fine with that

Or, at least I was

Until the wife said

She's getting a man in






  • dusk arising

    She;s getting a man into trouble is what she's doing. Mind you, the way some 'men' carry on these days one of them's gonna end up pregnant sooner or later.

    50 years! Blimey, you'd get less than that if you'd shot her dead. And you'd be a free man too. Still, I'm only jealous cos i have to cook me own meals and stuff.

    • The Uneducated O.A.P

      Lol, I am working on ways and means, I was planting some bulbs she remarked that the hole was unusually large, I said, just following the instructions my soon to be little Angel, it says 6 feet X 6 feet X 3 feet, just waiting for her to dry her hair with the hairdryer I have just rewired! Lol
      Ref the meals, apparently on the net ( I have been told ) there are ladies that will come around to do that sort of thing for you, they have their own special uniform too!

    • Andrew Charles Forrest

      Blimey! I could never do it in the first place... My moto has always been why do it yourself when you can pay someone to do it properly first time

      Even the wife agrees (Joking darling!)

      • The Uneducated O.A.P

        Thanks for looking in Andrew, next time round I'm going to find myself a rich lady to look after me and keep me in the manner to which I would like to become accustomed, If only.

        • Andrew Charles Forrest

          Hands off... she's mine... Next time around

        • 1 more comment

        • orchidee

          Oh lol, good write Bill.

          • The Uneducated O.A.P

            Thanks for looking in Steve, despite the comments i'v left, I wouldn't be where I am today without her, she's my rock. And talking of rocks there's one coming my way, she's just read the comments! Lol.

          • Michael Edwards

            It's 56 years for me (and the wife of course) and I'm getting a man in for most jobs these days. My wife gets someone for cleaning - she's a woman.

            • The Uneducated O.A.P

              You got a long way to go to catch my folks, they were on 71 years married when dad passed away just before Christmas.
              Interesting modern days innit, at one time wives were always women, now they can be, well, anything. Just read a story about a man who married his car, and another who married the Eiffel Tower. Funny old world. Dunno what sort of children they had!
              Thanks for the dropping in

            • Goldfinch60

              I do wish you had not mentioned pruning the tree, I keep on putting off doing mine, now you've reminded me again, I will have to go and lie down in a darkened room for the rest of the day and i have only just got up!


            • Unsub


              as a mere youngster; compared to the commentators here I have a few years to go but thanks for the positive outlook of what is to come.

              Looking into those meal ladies in uniforms!!

              I do not need to get a man in to do household jobs as I have the wife who apparently is an expert at everything & has immense pleasure in telling me how to do everything. How was I to know the beans can't go in the microwave with a metal spoon in it! The kids loved my indoor firework display!

              It actually seems we have a cleaning up ghost. The other night I had a few beers & left them on the table along with the plates from my tea. When I got up the next morning...I mean afternoon, everything was washed up & put away.

              Amazing! I'd recommened you get a cleaning ghost too.

              I think the ghost upset my wife though as she was really pissed off that day! Can't understand it!


              • The Uneducated O.A.P

                Yoa Unsub, sorry for the delay,
                Just trying to cheer you up.
                Ref, ladies.
                Ordered one myself, he was a nice chap, but his trousers were incomplete, his bottom was showing, someone should have told him or perhaps this was where he put his feather duster.
                Ref Ghost Cleaner.
                We have one too, ours is called Some Fker, as in when I walk away from the table I hear the words " I suppose some Fker is going to clear up the mess" I discovered a room in our house with white goods and cupboards in, apparently this is called a "Kitchen", perhaps this is where Some Fker and Ghost Cleaner meet to discuss those horrible creatures called ' Men'.
                Got to go now, knock at the door, my cleaner has arrived, just checked, right one this time, all she's wearing is a mask.
                I have a meeting next week with the solicitor re my impending divorce.

                • Unsub


                  Maybe the solicitor could do buy one get one half price as it seems our partners have been discussing our faults & are now both on the market for a new man.

                  A what? A kitchen? You losing it or what. I’ll take a look around my house & see if we have something similar!

                  Some Fkr is an odd name for a ghost, I’ll have to name mine. Maybe Lazy Bstard as I’ve heard that name said a few times by my wife. Guess she was talking to him?

                  Your cleaner is only wearing a mask, you should ask her to at least wear gloves?


                • 1 more comment

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