Color (Looking for advice)


Color (revision one)


Red Light peeks through

Slightly closed lids

 as eyes flutter

slowly open.


I peer around

Take in my surroundings

Admire fluffy clouds that streak by

In orange filled skies.


I laze upon

Dew covered lawn

Sprinkled with flowers blooming

Bright yellow,

Spread across a blanket

Of grass,

Trimmed with bright trees

Of evergreen.


My focus adjusts

On the face

Suddenly before me

Of a fragile stranger.


She holds within

Frail slender fingers

A string of yarn

Pale blue,

Matching striking eyes

Full of curiosity

And temptation.


I know without

A single word spoken

To follow the string

As she grins and hands it to me.


I know not

where it leads

as I pull myself up

onto unsteady feet

that awkwardly hold me.


They fight as if to say

 they do not want to take me

Where this string

Will lead.


I follow the yarn further

Down the line

To a house

That appears Faded and worn.


The blurred timbers

Frame an intricately carved

Indigo door

That creaked as it slowly opened.


Within the house is a kitchen,

The string seems to tangle

Around fallen cupboards

And broken chairs.


I follow every inch

And feel more uneasy

With every step

As I realize

No sound echoes around me.


I focus on the yarn;

I can feel that I am near the end.



I’m led to a table

Plain, small and round

The only clean surface

Within the room.


In the center lies

The string tied

To the handle of a cup

Painted violet.


It looks as if it is melting

From the heat of the coffee

That swirls in a hypnotizing way

That reminds me of her eyes…


For the first time

In what feels like

My whole life

I hear words:


It whispers, though I know not

Who it is or how.

“Drink” it repeats “the contents of the violet cup”


The words are hypnotizing,

Drawing me in,

And so I sip sweet hot liquid

Expecting warmth upon my tongue.


I taste nothing,

Feel nothing,

Colors all around me fade

Bird song begins to enter my ears.


Light peaks through

Slightly closed lids

As eyes flutter

Slowly open,

And I realize this

Was all just a dream.

  • Author: Melissa JA (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: September 21st, 2020 21:45
  • Comment from author about the poem: Advice welcome. I don't feel this poem is done, and I am a bit stuck.
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 29
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Comments +


  • L. B. Mek

    firstly a brilliantly imaginative piece of writing,
    may I humbly suggest that before looking at 'completing' this work you try it out written in different forms of poetry that are specifically non-verse/stanza in layout, I personally think this would work wonderfully as Prose poetry, but gain just a humble suggestion and no rush I have some works that I have been redrafting for years and still feel they need a little bit more fine tuning

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