The Uneducated O.A.P

A Narrow Escape, True, ( Mostly)

I was sat on the sofa, idly looking out of the window

Chihuahua sat on patio

Watching natures drone, constantly adjusting its wing feathers to allow for prevailing breezes

Tiercels eyes and ears locked on target

I had just broken the surface of a hot cuppa with a digestive biccy that was halfway to disappearing through the overly expensive maintained teeth

The Raptor closed its wings and dropped, bomb like to Mother Earth

And then in an impossible maneuver, it's now open semi umbrella shaped wings desperately searching for air to slow it's decent

Sped between a line of clothes and a patio brolly aged before its time from far too many winters left outside

The line of worn clothes showing the signs an O.A.P has to make, clothes or teeth

The teeth won

The Hawk, it's raptorial game grabbing talons pointed foreword, eager to pick up a chihuahua with visions of becoming eyas food, was frantically barking for its life.

A poop bag was required. 

The heavy thud of the raptor hitting the conservatory glass was followed milliseconds later by the soft ploop of half a digestive biccy breaking the surface of the tea.

Cup and biccy left magically in mid air as bottom left sofa.

The door shot open, dog dashed in to lap up the tea pooling around the broken remnants of a Best Grandad in the World teacup

That now spelt, 'e ad is dae'

The stunned stunning beauty of nature drunkenly zig zagged away through the apple trees, foodless

Chihuahua 1 Hovering Sovereign 0 





  • dusk arising

    What a delightful, funny, entertaining read. I really enjoyed this tale of forsaken dunked dastardly digestive, denied digestive disposal despite doggy's determined despatch down his ever hungry gob. Did the chihuahua see it coming and take evasive action? or was the fekkin falcon fekked failing feindish foraging foretelling forever forget- this-i-shall-not flapping feathers of fortitude finally?

    Some call it alliteration, but it's my s st s ss sts stammer really!

    • The Uneducated O.A.P

      Thankyou for a very entertaining comment dusk, better than my words of a doggy bad fur day. We should be able to fav comments, lol

    • Fay Slimm.

      Wow - and here was me thinking your wit had made up the bit in your yesterday-comment about a dive to grab a little chihuahua - - good you were there Bill to defend your pet....... a hungry raptor is not to be laughed at my friend.

      • The Uneducated O.A.P

        Thanks for calling in Fay, cheers my old bones, not often I let a dog in, but whisky was a one off and climbed into the family's hearts, we lost him last Christmas, but he's still here running around our feet.
        Your words muchly appreciated. Bill

      • L. B. Mek

        wonderfully witty,
        reads like a monologue from a script

        • The Uneducated O.A.P

          Thanks for commenting L.B.M. Means a lot.
          Keep them keys constantly tapped.

        • orchidee

          A fine write Bill.

          • The Uneducated O.A.P

            Thanks Steve, Fido got any stories to tell? Or perhaps we could have Tales from the Cavy Family.
            Keep them limbs moving

          • ANGELA & BRIAN

            ANGELA HERE UOAP ~ Thanks for a very exciting tale ! So so dramatic it would get a *TRUE* from me on *Would I lie to YOU ?* Grandad & Grandma Mugs (we dont have any yet !) are easily replaced but CHIHUAHUAS are - Im told - very very expensive to buy & keep. At least the HAWK survived but *Sans Dog Dinner* Q ~ Would you have shot the Raptor had it seized your Beloved Pooch ?

            Blessings & Peace to You & Yours
            Love Angela & Brian & Smokey ! ! !

            • The Uneducated O.A.P

              Thanks for stopping by and commenting, you are right dogs, like any animals are ridiculously expensive to keep, I don't know how vets can justify the high charges and are probably the reason many are left to suffer, dogs that is not vets, lol. Would I have shot a raptor to save the dog? Mmm, difficult choice, but for that particular chihuahua, who got to places I don't normally let animals into, then yes, in a heartbeat.
              Thanks for your kind words

            • Neville

              If I could have penned a hilarious, ironic nature poem/story .. it would have been this one ....

              • The Uneducated O.A.P

                your kind words have cheered me immensely many thanks.

              • Goldfinch60

                Wonderful fun write Bill.


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