Dear Autism

Dear Autism,

I hate you, you have slowly and cruelly taken away all the hopes and dreams I had for my boy. You've made me feel scared and fearful for his future. You've taken our friends away and made us feel different, inadequate, not good enough. Youve made me question my decions, my truth. Youve made me over protective, irrational, desperate and scared so very very scared. Youve become a massive influence on the dynamics of the relationships in our home like a poison in the air draining each of us with your negative energy. Youve made me feel like a crap mom, a crap wife, and a crap friend. Youve driven a wedge between me and everything i have ever known, my morals, my values, my core inner self. You hurt me every single day and I hate you! My boy deserves the whole world and more, hes beautiful inside and out, he hates himself hes a child and he hates himself ....why. Why cant I show him how amazing he is, why cant i take away his feelings of not being good enough. Im failing him every single day and thats becasue of you Autism, you and your power.

Its only because ive been forced to live with you every single day that overtime ive got closer to you. Its hard to explain... your like my favourite trusty boots they used to hurt, rub the back of my feet cause pain and agony. Now they empower me, I can dance, laugh and walk with the confidence only my trusty boots bring. Its because of you my boy can create almost anything, he has the most amazing skills, hes a unique artist with incredible talents, talents that will open him many doors of opportunities throughout his life. Its because of you we have been presented with opportunities to learn how different people see us, to have the resilience and be strong when the actions of others hurt and feel the safety and warmth that good strong friendships provide. Youve made me face my absolute worse fears and conquer them, youve made me look inside and question myself. Youve made me feel the overwhelming warmth and knowingness that only the most important role in the world can bring, being a mom. Youve opened my eyes to the importance of valuing the unique relationship between a mother and a child, not just any child, my special, amazing, creative, beautiful child. Youve shown me how ignorant ive been and how recognising that ignorance in others has taught me so much. Youve made our family have to pull together and put each other first, youve made us share difficult times, these experiences have built a brilliant team who have an amazing bond and love each other unconditionally. Youve taught me lessons i could only ever have learnt through this experience and the overwhelming love and power of motherhood. Thank you, thank you autism. Thanks for teaching me these life changing valuable lessons that i will pass to my children, educating them that it doesnt matter what others think, Autism is amazing