Need Something to Believe In

Exciting feelings have taken control of me and it's a tall order to escape

The blood in my body frantically dashing to the unexplored corners

If I could I would, but it's a process, not a race, to remember

Nothing warms the cockles of my heart

Wrapped in sheets of wind

In a moonlit graveyard, I need something to believe in

Something more than a reason, something more than your validation

Dolour is my prison and I'm a cloud drifting in a poetic state

Limbs are thrown out of place like stepping stones

Stretching and twisting like clay

In the rain I consist of dreams, strange happenings

Under construction, I am the definition of a dreamer

Burning the candles at both ends, always in dark streets

Trying to make everything perfect, I fail at my attempts

It doesn't make sense, but then nothing does

So I burst into a wide range of neon colours

In the grip of your hold, those morning bird calls

I see myself on the same road and yesterday feels like forever ago

Slipping from my fingertips like the sands of time

On the stairs to nowhere

I have taken the form of a risk taking merchant

With a guilty conscience, wounded in the web of desire

I've never felt more out of place, wordless, I am aching

Falling like petals and embers breaking into fragments

Into fine atoms, into pink mist

Split in half, at cross purposes, I glitch

I have crystallized like honey, spellbound by it

The mirror tells me lies and now it is clear to me

I'm not the person I want to be, enchanted

Diamond on the run

Glowing like mined gypsum                                                                                               

I tried to fix my expression, but the birds are wayward                                           

Abrasive and extraneous in every way                                                                                     

I refuse to die on the sharp edge like the yes-man                                                                     

On the ridge with a new appetite and a new stomach                                                         

A meteor is blazing through me, has penetrated my walls                                       

Shined the stonewashed milkbone and pierced the core like daylight                     

Burning holes, sentimental openings in my explosions                                   

Steering into babels, things I don't understand                                                                               

Nowadays I am a stranger to myself

Small in comparison to men                                                                                 

Opposite of anodyne, in comparison to the stars                                                                     

I am unwilling to believe in magic                                                                                         

My eyes have not been tricked, at least not yet                                                                   

And as far as I'm concerned my ears are not waterlogged                                                     

I can't be duped by delusions of greater beings                                                             

I need something more to believe in                                                                 

Something real                                                                             

I am a magnet, a lost reflection                                                   

Numb in the endless abyss of uncertainty

I opened the window to throw out my etiquette

But found it torn in the rubble of protracted feelings

Next to a series of helping hands, and turned a blind eye

To the truth and sugar-coated lies, but not anymore

I've been saying "please" and "thank you"

Trying to make everything perfect

I've pulled the light through and trifled with life

Even though there's been no sensible ratiocination

I've been listening to the bells of acedia and saudade

Repleted on a voyage out of the darkness

The eye wanders away like the ocean's spray                                                                         

Or a fidgeting pilgrim with no concrete home                                                                           

Holding the atomic weight of lead                                                                                   

The eye is a constant, wondering and rebellious soul                                                                   

A river taking root, falling out of its flesh, its skin, then falling back in                   

Propelled by wanderlust, retracted out of shape                                                         

Following the stratagem                                                                                           

Going towards the deathly scream of hope like I muddle along                   

Praying everything will work out well, it has to                                                                             

I've never been more overflowing

My body is full of love

Now I can see a way out of the storm

Something sneezing and coughing and sweating

Something drinking and binging and still going strong

I am a riptide in the water-like sky rippling

It has taken a lifetime to kick the habit

To wake up and snap out of it

I can't believe I done it

I was convinced I was good-for-nothing

Unable to wrap my head around it

I was like water

Trying to find things to fill

I was like a flagon ready to pour

After a while, I half-smiled, raising my eyebrow

Out of curiosity, I found an expedient solution to the problem

Rinsed away the abrasive liquids on my tongue

Unfastened myself from the illusion

Bent on things going to plan

The hardest part was the grim reality of the goodbye

The nightmare of a misadventure

It's easier to tell myself I don't care                                                                             

Than to come to terms with a catalogue of addictions                                                           

In my hands, like pills in my palms                                                                                     

When I feel like I could keel over, in circles                                                                     

Waiting for a miracle, for something special                                                                         

It is incumbent, I think, to think, when there's no concord                             

No trace of a doctrine in my elastic world of pixels                                                                   

At the mercy of a constellation                                                                                               

I'm holding my cards close to my chest                                                                   

Expanding like silver bullets.