Impossible mission to identify mine heretically rooted hair issue

Worrisome male pattern baldness

never recedes from forefront of mine noggin.

Though loss of hair

NOT characteristic within genes,

nor hearty chromosomes,

nevertheless, anxiety prevails,

that yours truly will witness bald pate.

Additionally his mood directly

linkedin with plethora of irrational notions,

whereby such groundless, mindless, rootless...

senseless thoughts underlie and sway moody blues

of super tramping fo fighting beastie boy.

After richly lathering and

thoroughly massaging aging scalp

constituting head property one very familiar

long haired pencil necked geek,

I subsequently rinse out shampoo

and proceed to shake out matted hair

back and forth to and fro

(think whiplash) goes sodden crown

even thee missus coon sitters me a freak.

In the mane, I seek to emulate a puff (fee) daddy,

(albeit with spindleshanks for legs),

the laughing stock of mankind,

no more muscular since being a wee little laddie.

Euphoria and joie de vivre harkened

likened to when angels sing

nsync with me, a yankee doodle dandy

IF freshly washed golden locks

fluff up like cotton candy

other disgruntlement arises

spurring yours truly to drown sorrows

courtesy one hundred proof brandy.

E'er since being a little

extremely shy (viz introverted) boy

a boot deux and half score years ago

bullies threatened de facto scapegoat

mine self esteem they did thoroughly destroy

e'en little Lord Fauntleroy

complicit as well every other goy,

thus yours truly wished

he could transform himself into Donald Hoy

(offspring courtesy large family once resident

within Arcola, Pennsylvania)

whose hairstyle I envied

and felt within lovely bones (mine) joy

could be experienced if some abracadabra ploy

would render our bodies switched.

Nowadays aforementioned scene

once read about in popular science 'zine

state of the art medical breakthrough quite routine

synonymous with waving magic wand

easily mastered courtesy run of the mill teen

ideal way to pick up (i.e. earn) extra green,

especially helpful during

2020 holiday season dulled sheen

courtesy COVID-19 pandemic,

no matter impossible mission

to wipe away mean

coronavirus bugaboos that cannot be seen

with naked eye, under microscope

spiky cell appears quite keen,

nay mesmerizing evidencing

articulated exotic pristine

innocuous fantastic characteristics.

Rather then kvetch concerning balding patch

finasteride, (a 5α-reductase inhibitor)

down the gullet and pharynx hatch,

whereby upon shiny skull appears thatch

e'en Samson would be envious unable to match

profuse locks of love,

and Delilah would find herself

in tug of war match.