Forgive Me

Time and time again people show me why I'm better off alone.

Just a sad, mute soul who sometimes doesn't wanna answer the phone.. but please forgive me.

I seen it ringing but the devil said "don't answer it, girl you best not tempt me, I'm feasting on your soul so after a while it won't

take long- cause once I'm done, I'll leave you feeling empty." He grinned and disappeared.

I grabbed my pen and pad but the words I tried to formulate just wouldn't appear. Started thinking to myself,

I'm too deep in my head, maybe I should call my peers, try to explain how I'm feeling if only I can fight through my tears.

Cause once I open my mouth, it'll be like a bad connection - "she was just smiling and laughing- hmm the dots just not connecting."

It's a MASK, if you'd just ASK, you don't get it! Anything I've ever told you was never "cap" you never seen me in a hat,

especially not a fitted.

I know I go missing from time to time, that's why I'm here.. I'm asking to be forgiven.

Dealing with depression ain't easy. Never took a pill for it, pills make me queasy. So I had to handle my shit head on,

fighting these demons for 12 years.. but in the end it only left me strong.

I never lost my faith, depression is scary, it emphasizes the lonely, but it always weeds out the fakes. Don't let that go over your head!

Having company over to distract me only left me feeling emptier in my bed.

I'm sorry mama, I never told you sometimes I wondered if life without me would've been better if I was dead...

standing side by side, watching you from up above, holding hands with my bestfriend.

Forgive me.

Forgive me if I smoke a lil tree to help numb my problems, I remember when I started dating girls, they tried to blame it on me

being lost without my father. But ole' girl made me feel pretty, meanwhile most niggas looked at me like I was too skinny.

I wonder.. if I told you the real reason would you get me?

But never mind that.. that's NOT what the deal was. Do you know how it feels to live in the hood and as soon as you step outside,

the first thing you hear is "cuhz"? LA niggas always looking for action, niggas ride around with sticks cause they can't get caught lackin'.

Well I heard you was a rapper, is hittin' licks, totin' sticks with yo homies or is rap yo passion?

Don't get mad at me, shit I was curious I'm just asking.

You could take me out the hood, but you can't take the hood outta me. I'm sum'n like a hood princess, with little to no access,

meanwhile I'm still tryna leave all my trauma in the past tense.

I been praying for unconditional love, you know? Bonnie and Clyde, always down to ride, someone on the sweet side, but kinda crazy

about me, that's my typa guy.

Kick off yo' shoes and relax your feet, not for a second was me being placed in your life a mistake, it's something like a blessing.

Oop, you thought I wasn't for real? Well you lost me, hope you learned your lesson. When shit fall down - nah when you up that's when

you really tested. God sends you signs you keep missing, therefore you keep missing the message.

If I have to tell you 1 time, 2 times, 3 times too many, it's like I waste my breath tryna get you to see me but my time - 

you not about to have any.

If you do, it'll be short sum'n quick like a penny! When I start ignoring you, stop checking for you, that's when you see ME as the

enemy?

But what're you mad for if all I wanted was for you to be a friend to me? How does that work?

It's crazy 'cause when you do good, yo family won't even clap for you nor let out a smirk. And I ain't lie, the pain?

That shit hurt worse. People turn a blind eye, expect you to jump and just run on they time. But what about me?

Been locked in my room feeling lost for years and see .. they never ask how you REALLY feelin' so I never found a reason to really

speak.

 But again, please forgive me.

It's not really anybody's fault the reason I feel so empty, they say never question God but when I was younger it was him I envied.

But now it's time to put the past behind me and move on. Cheers to new life, new friends, a new status period, and like Nip Hussle said,

it's a marathon!