since coming home

i always feel like im going to die

since that uni bender i went on

my parents told me not to get drunk on the first night so that i dont show myself up in front of my new housemates

i can’t remember if i did or not

 

since coming home

calcium has left my bones alone

and they turn to ash with each cigarette

my body is in ruins

but im lucky my mind is just snoozing

temporary coma

since coming back i’ve got older

since coming back i’ve grown colder

fonder of the ice in the freezer

that i chew on

and let dissolve to water down my throat

 

i’m boreder than i was before

looking for work with no motivation

and still processing my emotions

is a daily task i tackle

i’ve not become fond of the daily tasks

ignorant sister

small minded atmosphere

sudoko and crosswords

i eat up for dinner

cyclical weekdays

for dessert

 

i want to die

i want to live

i want to pause

but i need to fast foward.

since coming home i always feel like im going to die

my heartbeats irregular

my heart beats a cry

my parents told me to take my time

but if time is fabricated

then how long can i lie here

how long can i cry here

how long until i die here?