Sorry, I Can't

Why can't I escape you?

You crawl back into my mind and wait and wait.

But I let you in.

I open the door.

I ask you now to go out the opening that I created for you to come in.

Yet you see me as your convenient prisoner.

Lock me in despair, then decide to unlock the cell you created.

I'm released?

When does this ever take place?

Yes when I'm sober.

How did the addiction begin? The attraction to my demise?

When you found me when no one else cared.

And I thought you cared...that you were good, and I could be loved.

Is a fool born one?

Did you come into this world to hurt?

Imagine the 2 aligned?

Before I left, wounded...you gave a glimmer to as why.

My suffering could never have compared.

I'm sorry for what they did.

I'm sorry for what you did.

I'm sorry for what I became.

I'm not sorry for now closing the opening that can never stay open.

In the briefest of moments when it does...and I literally feel like I'm cut when I imagine your face.

The fact we are both alive and able to remember.

Fuses in both despair/joy and doors we never thought to be open.

Yet when we release hate from our hearts, the evil that once consumed, shows itself for what it was.

Never being loved as a human should...maybe now we can. Just never with you. 

I wish you well as I lock the door forever...so to stay sober and now understand why love is not only the reason we breathe, but also teaches us how, so we take in what sustains...not lays us open to wither.