Trigger warning Eating Disorder

Chick

Poems

 

Poem 1

A black hole swallowed me

I can't control my feelings or my body

Trapped in a loop I can never get out

Something with a stigma that's hard to talk about

“Just eat” they say with demeaning looks

While my heads over the toilet trying to purge out my guts

I feel skinny again

But here comes another day of pain

I'll wake up in the morning ignoring the feeling

Of my tummy shouting at me because it needed feeding

I ignore any mention of food

Because it's harmful to my mood

People look at me with looks that say it's easy

But what's so easy about being needy for food that I never wanted to eat

To go through recovery and try and beat

Me making myself sick

Because of words like “thick”

Because Instagram models stay a size 4

And I feel like an ugly whore

But I can't speak about that

Because only people who are fat

Can complain about their size

While I try and minimize

My disorder because I feel selfish for crying all the time

When there is more crime

When there is more deaths

When there is more theft

In the world so bleak

So why should I feel weak

While I eat less food everyday

And there is no place in my stomach for food to stay

While acid scarred my insides

And I would struggle to confide

Because no one understands

Unless they have had it first hand

An eating disorder is more then an illness

It makes you want to cry more and think less

Id call it a disease

Because when I walk I have shakey knees

I see a scale and I smile

And I get urges to run for a mile

The skinnier I'll get the happier ill be

Because who would want to be as ugly as me

My mindset changed after a&e

A second chance to break free

Of the eating disorder I couldn't say

But now I try my best to eat 3 times a day

Toilet visits become less frequent

And therapist sessions become a sequence

The scales hid from the bathroom floor

As I tried to eat more and more

Little portions in my dinner

Trying to stop myself from going thinner

I still purged at times but I'm trying to quit

But it's not that simple but I'm trying it

  • Author: Chick (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: February 1st, 2021 04:36
  • Comment from author about the poem: Something that’s truly personal to me
  • Category: Sad
  • Views: 53
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Comments +

Comments4

  • orchidee

    Never mind Instagram models. They're vain and stupid. Let's not copy them. They get enough vain publicity anyway.
    I suspect the human frame was never suited to be a size 4.
    Hope you find the way through this đŸ™‚

  • L. B. Mek

    you write on meaningful and important subjects that are socially pertinent, though may not be experienced by society's majority,
    yet your words read relatable with how much you choose to divulge of your own testimony or other's... thanks for sharing your wonderful talent and helping readers like me evolve, to become a little less ignorant...
    another great write!

  • heatherbee

    Loved your words so powerful iv a friend who suffers every day with her anorexia she has triggers and during these dark times she suffers more her life is a nitemare right now so I feel those words so much. Thankyou

  • Doggerel Dave

    That’s a lucid description of a disorder which to many (including to some extent, me) is puzzling. Definitely makes the subtleties clearer.
    Felt a great lift at the end, where hope appeared as you have apparently found a way out.
    Good luck for the future.



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