Poems
Poem 1
A black hole swallowed me
I can't control my feelings or my body
Trapped in a loop I can never get out
Something with a stigma that's hard to talk about
“Just eat” they say with demeaning looks
While my heads over the toilet trying to purge out my guts
I feel skinny again
But here comes another day of pain
I'll wake up in the morning ignoring the feeling
Of my tummy shouting at me because it needed feeding
I ignore any mention of food
Because it's harmful to my mood
People look at me with looks that say it's easy
But what's so easy about being needy for food that I never wanted to eat
To go through recovery and try and beat
Me making myself sick
Because of words like “thick”
Because Instagram models stay a size 4
And I feel like an ugly whore
But I can't speak about that
Because only people who are fat
Can complain about their size
While I try and minimize
My disorder because I feel selfish for crying all the time
When there is more crime
When there is more deaths
When there is more theft
In the world so bleak
So why should I feel weak
While I eat less food everyday
And there is no place in my stomach for food to stay
While acid scarred my insides
And I would struggle to confide
Because no one understands
Unless they have had it first hand
An eating disorder is more then an illness
It makes you want to cry more and think less
Id call it a disease
Because when I walk I have shakey knees
I see a scale and I smile
And I get urges to run for a mile
The skinnier I'll get the happier ill be
Because who would want to be as ugly as me
My mindset changed after a&e
A second chance to break free
Of the eating disorder I couldn't say
But now I try my best to eat 3 times a day
Toilet visits become less frequent
And therapist sessions become a sequence
The scales hid from the bathroom floor
As I tried to eat more and more
Little portions in my dinner
Trying to stop myself from going thinner
I still purged at times but I'm trying to quit
But it's not that simple but I'm trying it
-
Author:
Chick (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: February 1st, 2021 04:36
- Comment from author about the poem: Something that’s truly personal to me
- Category: Sad
- Views: 52
Offline)
Comments4
Never mind Instagram models. They're vain and stupid. Let's not copy them. They get enough vain publicity anyway.
I suspect the human frame was never suited to be a size 4.
Hope you find the way through this đŸ™‚
you write on meaningful and important subjects that are socially pertinent, though may not be experienced by society's majority,
yet your words read relatable with how much you choose to divulge of your own testimony or other's... thanks for sharing your wonderful talent and helping readers like me evolve, to become a little less ignorant...
another great write!
Loved your words so powerful iv a friend who suffers every day with her anorexia she has triggers and during these dark times she suffers more her life is a nitemare right now so I feel those words so much. Thankyou
That’s a lucid description of a disorder which to many (including to some extent, me) is puzzling. Definitely makes the subtleties clearer.
Felt a great lift at the end, where hope appeared as you have apparently found a way out.
Good luck for the future.
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