It does not flow

It doesn't flow
What you just wrote
It's critical--what I now quote
Yours rhymes, expresses feelings though
But hard to read; it does not flow
Where do they go, songs of your soul?
Untold before you let them show
Let words unfold;
Your soul may glow
But I can't read them--they don't flow
May I be illiterate?
Maybe just a little bit
I've little fits when riddles fit
Between arhythmic bits of written
quips you've scripted, let them slip
into untimely grips, I'm listless
this just does not flow


  • Doggerel Dave

    Hi bLq: You pose a problem for me; I claim to attempt to ‘embrace the discipline of rhyme rhythm and uniform line lengths (note no mention of ‘metre’)’ so I’m committed.
    Mostly, I think (others to judge) I manage it. But it ain’t easy, takes a lot of metaphorical sweat and isn’t always totally successful. But I do try because I’m committed and feel that my poems which aspire to utilise traditional forms should be judged on that basis. Why? Because hammering out the meaning within parameters clarifies the thought process and leads to greater clarity. How well do you think you did with yours?
    BTW this isn’t an invitation to heap praise or condemnation on me or you personally

    • b-LAH-que

      I think I did alright on this one, but it does often take some creative sweat as you mentioned, and I've attempted many that just failed miserably as well. While I agree that the structure can give clarity, I've also found myself at times compromising clarity for the sake of fitting a certain amount of words or syllables into a specific pattern.
      One thing I can say for rhythm and structure is that sometimes the writer's intent for how something should be delivered if done vocally, for example, may get lost in our own interpretation of how we read it in our own heads. I'm sure that's been the case for at least some poems I've read that this poem is about, and probably some of mine to others. I am also somewhat envious of people who can write great poetry that is interesting, creative, or somehow profound without adhering to any rhyme or rhythm structures. They certainly have a talent that I lack in that regard. Thanks for the comment and discussion.

    • L. B. Mek

      if Poetry only had one stream
      to feed
      its depthless Sea
      it would have crusted
      into those annals
      of the obsolete
      a long - long time ago
      so yes, lets us rhyme
      in that tradition
      we inherit, when we ink
      each word of poetic merit
      but let us also, read
      with open mind's
      to Art's
      never-ending reinvention
      of possibility's: evergreen generation...

      • b-LAH-que

        I love this! You should participate in some of the community fusioned poems on the site, if you can do this on a simple reply to a poem I'm sure you could turn things up quite a bit on one of those collaborations.

      • dusk arising

        Isn't the world of poetry interesting in 2021. Whereas I disagree with you i respect that i am probably in the minority and that your preferences are dominant in our expression.
        I find that seeking a rhyme is a practice which limits my expression because there will simply be fewer words available to use with which to convey my message/intent. However, I do occasionally succumb and post a rhyming piece. Composing a five line limerick is of course good fun.

        • b-LAH-que

          I actually quite agree that a rhyming piece can be limiting in certain ways, at least to some. I mentioned in an earlier reply how some talented poets can create impressive works without the rhyme or structure that I feel I must rely on to write anything worthwhile at all. I would add that any dissatisfaction I or anyone else feels in regard to the topic of this poem is probably due much more to personal perception and preferences rather than any sort of objective quality of a written piece. The limitations of art and poetry are broad, if there are any limitations at all. Thanks for reading and commenting!

        • AlitaOpal


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