It doesn't flow
What you just wrote
It's critical--what I now quote
Yours rhymes, expresses feelings though
But hard to read; it does not flow
Where do they go, songs of your soul?
Untold before you let them show
Let words unfold;
Your soul may glow
But I can't read them--they don't flow
May I be illiterate?
Maybe just a little bit
I've little fits when riddles fit
Between arhythmic bits of written
quips you've scripted, let them slip
into untimely grips, I'm listless
this just does not flow
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Author:
b-LAH-que (
Offline) - Published: February 7th, 2021 23:53
- Comment from author about the poem: I short rhyme about reading the occasional rhyming poem that doesn't quite have a distinct rhythm to it, which is something I naturally look for in a rhyming poem. This piece does convey a bit of criticism, but is honest nonetheless and is not meant to demean any poet or their style, but rather express personal poetic preferences that I sometimes feel I miss out on in an otherwise well written piece. It was written in a single continuous take, which I find satisfying and thus decided to share.
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 66
- Users favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek
Offline)
Comments4
Hi bLq: You pose a problem for me; I claim to attempt to ‘embrace the discipline of rhyme rhythm and uniform line lengths (note no mention of ‘metre’)’ so I’m committed.
Mostly, I think (others to judge) I manage it. But it ain’t easy, takes a lot of metaphorical sweat and isn’t always totally successful. But I do try because I’m committed and feel that my poems which aspire to utilise traditional forms should be judged on that basis. Why? Because hammering out the meaning within parameters clarifies the thought process and leads to greater clarity. How well do you think you did with yours?
BTW this isn’t an invitation to heap praise or condemnation on me or you personally
I think I did alright on this one, but it does often take some creative sweat as you mentioned, and I've attempted many that just failed miserably as well. While I agree that the structure can give clarity, I've also found myself at times compromising clarity for the sake of fitting a certain amount of words or syllables into a specific pattern.
One thing I can say for rhythm and structure is that sometimes the writer's intent for how something should be delivered if done vocally, for example, may get lost in our own interpretation of how we read it in our own heads. I'm sure that's been the case for at least some poems I've read that this poem is about, and probably some of mine to others. I am also somewhat envious of people who can write great poetry that is interesting, creative, or somehow profound without adhering to any rhyme or rhythm structures. They certainly have a talent that I lack in that regard. Thanks for the comment and discussion.
if Poetry only had one stream
to feed
its depthless Sea
it would have crusted
into those annals
of the obsolete
a long - long time ago
so yes, lets us rhyme
in that tradition
we inherit, when we ink
each word of poetic merit
but let us also, read
with open mind's
to Art's
never-ending reinvention
of possibility's: evergreen generation...
I love this! You should participate in some of the community fusioned poems on the site, if you can do this on a simple reply to a poem I'm sure you could turn things up quite a bit on one of those collaborations.
Isn't the world of poetry interesting in 2021. Whereas I disagree with you i respect that i am probably in the minority and that your preferences are dominant in our expression.
I find that seeking a rhyme is a practice which limits my expression because there will simply be fewer words available to use with which to convey my message/intent. However, I do occasionally succumb and post a rhyming piece. Composing a five line limerick is of course good fun.
I actually quite agree that a rhyming piece can be limiting in certain ways, at least to some. I mentioned in an earlier reply how some talented poets can create impressive works without the rhyme or structure that I feel I must rely on to write anything worthwhile at all. I would add that any dissatisfaction I or anyone else feels in regard to the topic of this poem is probably due much more to personal perception and preferences rather than any sort of objective quality of a written piece. The limitations of art and poetry are broad, if there are any limitations at all. Thanks for reading and commenting!
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