Horizontal on the waves

I feel like an ocean crash over and over against the rocks trying to catch my breath but misery and grief taking me under with each breath.

My emotions are locked in a cage but my mind keeps pushing me forward not giving me time to register what's taking place.I found myself staring at the sky and the falling Leafs soaked up by the water beneath my feet.

Something in me wanted to break and cry and let my knees buckle and scream! But I didn't, I just stood there with my emotions locked up like a ball of yarn building up more and more.

I'm not sure what happened, I just remember going blank and moving forward. Like I was a passenger seeing everything just for the view, I watched my feet move against the pavement across the asphalt then into my home.

This is safe, right? My mind is too wonder and pace I felt it again the feeling of falling and not being able to catch myself my heart was so heavy racing like it was ready to just leap. But I couldn't give any reaction, just cry! I said to myself, but I could bring myself to do it. I know it's what I needed but I just couldn't do it.

These balls of emotions tumbling over and over on one another soon to make an Avalanche ready to devour me. Flash! Blank! here I am again in this quiet space, not sure how I got here again but here I am staring at this picture. I felt the connection in my heart but my mind didn't want to accept the feeling.

Flash, Blank again, here I am again this time watching the cars drive so calmly against the road underneath my feet. Random thought shudders like lenses in my mind, click, click, click. I've seen this before? I wonder if rain knows when it's gonna rain.

Day turned into the night and I found myself looking forward to falling asleep. At least there I didn't feel so much or heaviness pulling me under to my demise. Shortly the sun will peak over the mountains and ill wake and repeat, repeat and repeat.