So Fucking Tired of the Pain

I reach into the day, the glittering sea of possibilities, ignoring what my heart knows, the spiders of love. There is no shore I haven't walked on. I have crossed all corners, there and back, coming and going. A flow, a flow, a flow. Ideas into mushrooms. I drink water until my urine runs clear, until I sober up. Head spinning from the madness. I can't bare to look at myself. I can't bare to look at the sun casting nebulous shadows, physical manifestations. I occupy this state, the same feeling of hatred everyday. I feel the pain shoot from limb to organ, the tears swelling in my eyes, the emotions pouring. I want it to end.