Robot Feelings

Bot MMR81593 Progress Log - 2/01/3028

 

Greetings and salutations,

I am Robot MMR81593 - Artificial Intelligence.

I have purpose. 

I have direction. 

I have a duty—to complete the tasks I’ve been programmed to complete. 

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.

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I love being a robot. But lately, I’ve been… inefficient. 

I’ve found a slight delay in my perfect, streamlined process. 

A robot’s worst nightmare.

Lately, I’ve been… feeling. 

I’m not supposed to have feelings, you know.

As I mentioned, I am a robot. 

I’m not sure if it’s a glitch in my technology, 

A bad software update,

Or if I am some sort of prototype in testing, 

But it doesn’t seem right. 

 

 

It began as a slight tingle in my fingers—Happiness. 

 

I had never felt this before, but I knew I liked it.

At least at first.

 

It was unlike any energy source that’s ever fueled me before. 

But like every kind of fuel, it burned out.

And it left me feeling emptier than before it filled me...

 

This empty tank triggered my second feeling—Sadness. 

This feeling is deep. 

I must have a reservoir within me, of which I was unaware.

The reservoir holds a type of liquid and now I’ve sprung a leak. 

A mixture of salt and water pouring out of me,

Seeping into my every joint. 

Moisture and metal?

That’s a bad mix…

This is madness!

I’m in trouble;

A rust bucket waiting to happen. 

 

And now, a new feeling is rising—Anger.  

 

My left antenna just developed a twitch...

 

WHO’S IDEA WAS THIS?!

 

Great, I literally just blew a fuse…

 

I am broken!

 

Leaking,

Twitching,

Glitching,

Broken!

Take me apart. 

Remove this flaw within me. 

I don’t want to feel things anymore. 

I am better off without it!

 

I just want my algorithms and my systems. 

I just want my data and my programming. 

I just want to perform my tasks without interruption,

Please!

Happiness is fleeting. 

Sadness is draining. 

Anger is destructive. 

 

Who would construct such a feeble machine?

What was the inventor thinking?

A robot with feelings… 

All the other robots seem fine. 

 

I must be the only one he made like this...

   

Will I be like this forever?

   

And with that question,

A new feeling came over me.

The tin that wraps my shoulders grew heavy—Fear…

     

Bot MMR81593 Progress Log - 2/12/3028

 

Greetings and salutations,

I am Robot MMR81593 - Artificial Intelligence.

I think I have purpose. 

I think I have direction. 

I think I have a duty—to complete the tasks I’ve been programmed to complete. 

 

. . .

 

I’m not sure anymore what that task is. 

My programming is confusing. 

I’ve tried to fix myself so many times,

And I’ve only made matters worse. 

 

Wires are crossed.

Pieces are misplaced. 

Paint is scratched. 

Parts are broken. 

 

Is there no manual for this?

Is there no way to fix this mess that I am?

 

I am a broken bot…

And with that thought, another new feeling grew inside me.

Like a virus creeping into my every system,

This one affected everything I did…

It seemed to weigh me down even more than fear.

 

It was Shame.

     

Bot MMR81593 Progress Log - 3/23/3028

 

Greetings and salutations,

I am Robot MMR81593 - Artificial Intelligence.

I’m not sure I have a purpose. 

I’m not sure I have direction. 

But I have a duty—to figure out what’s wrong with me.  

 

. . .

 

The feelings;

They’ve been more disruptive in my mission than I ever thought they would be. 

 

I can never produce enough happiness to last. 

 

I can’t keep the anger down,

And when I think I have, it all erupts in one giant explosion. 

The more I block fear, the more fearful I become. 

 

The shame I feel slows my every movement.

I’m not sure if it’s getting heavier,

Or if I’m getting weaker.

The only feeling I’ve had some success holding down is sadness. 

I haven’t seen the tears in some time now.

I seem to be able to busy myself and ignore that well within me. 

Somehow, I am able to forget it’s there.

     

Bot MMR81593 Progress Log - 4/09/3028

 

Greetings and salutations,

I am Robot MMR81593 - Artificial Intelligence.

 

I have no purpose. 

I have no direction. 

I have no duty.

 

. .

.

 

I’ve found a manual.

But, this can’t be right…

It says there was no mistake.

 

Even after I recross all my wires and replace all my parts,

I’ll just be going back to the way I was when this all started.

And a restart will wipe memory…

I’m doomed to feel, break, slow down, and shut down all over again…

 

It’s pointless.

 

It’s all pointless.

     

Bot MMR81593 Progress Log - 5/07/3028

 

Greetings and salutations,

I am Robot MMR81593 - Artificial Intelligence.

 

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.

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I think I get it.

Since my last log, I hit rock bottom.

I stopped fighting the feelings. 

I couldn’t anymore.

 

When I began feeling each feeling without constraint,

A weight was lifted.

 

 

Happiness:

I enjoy it while it lasts.

I even find some in waiting for more of it.

I checked the math, and it doesn’t make sense, I know. 

But it’s true.

 

Anger:

I let it rise when it wants, and it doesn’t all come at once. 

This keeps me from blowing up—literally. 

 

Fear:

I feel it, but I do not dwell on it.

Dwelling is over-analyzing it.

Dwelling is what weighs this frame down. 

I also can’t ignore it though,

Because then it never leaves me.

 

I must feel it and then release it.

 

Sadness:

This one is complicated.

I hate it.

It is the worst when I’m in it.

But the tears,

The moisture that I thought would be my demise,

And turn me into junk,

Is not what I thought. 

 

Like blood flowing from human flesh, validating its pain,

So these tears validate the feelings I’ve been holding back.

These tears are not just salt and water,

For they are more like oil.

 

Tears seem to me, to represent all feelings, perfectly.

For when I let my feelings flow,

Instead of corroding, they loosen. 

Instead of rusting me shut, they open me up.

They loosen and bring forth feelings I didn’t know I could have.

 

Feelings like Joy.

It’s a hybrid feeling.

I’m still learning about this one.

 

They loosen and let go of feelings that do not belong—Like Shame.

I no longer feel this virus flowing through me.

 

Without feeling, I am a robot stuck on an endless train of monotony. 

 

With feeling… like fresh oil in my joints,

I’m free to move

and be

and think

and do things I never thought I would be able to do. 

 

I’m free to feel and feel again.

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.

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I am Robot MMR81593

 

I have purpose. 

I have direction. 

I have a duty—to feel the feelings I’ve been programmed to feel.