Vague Memory

I can't forget the feeling of being penetrated, all the things we did, the magnetism we shared. In the shower washing my hair, washing away the masochistic fantasies. I have died again. In this bedroom of secrets the pang settles. I tell the truth but feel more insincere, trying to get back to those moments of true happiness. I feel useless, so far from my memories fading like smoke. The fog overshadows my mind, forlorn in the melodrama. I am idle, watching the rain fall, watching aureate days pass by. I fall deeper into the sun's glasnost, into the bulb of reality. Lost in streets of pain, praying but nothing is happening. I brush past the Guelder-rose, the kiss of winter in the labyrinth of life. We are filled with pain, poetry in the brain. The nestling's bill is sealed and costive. The words escape me, every so often. I look for you, my medicine, blue rays of sadness. I remain inquisitive.