WHAT A DRINK CAN DO... {My Addiction}

 It's amazing what a drink can do... It can make you happy or it could make you blue, it can lift you up, or bring you right down...

It can make you laugh, have the best time all over town... thoroughly enjoy being the clown... that doesn't last long depending on what you're going through... Maybe drinking alcohol doesn't affect you... & having a drink & getting drunk for fun is all you do...

I'm more than happy for you... Alcohol for me did not entirely agree, even when I thought ~I was quite content...

my denial was hell-bent... I was no longer the clown, having fun, standing out from the crowd, everyone wanting me around... I would just carry a frown, & waited for excuses to flick my switch...

Extra all a sudden from my down low bitch, twitch, twitch & switch... I change in the blink of an eye...

people see the devil in me, I told them don't lie, I'm just being me & you want to ruin my good time...

I'm not commenting a crime... But that was my lie, not to tell, only to sell...

I thought I was doing oh so well hiding my addiction like some kinda invisible spell... Really I was in hell...

Shaking in the morning, pissed by noon... I have done more jumping than the cow over the moon & truly lost my little spoon... I was the woman who lived in the shoe, with nothing or no one but alcohol for me... I'm telling Ya, it's true...

You'll be surprised what a drink can do... When addiction is your denial... Asking for help takes more than a smile... admitting your truth hurts like hell... It's a journey that's just begun, I started at nine years old, At fourteen AA was a dot on the cards...

At seventeen it all begun again... At eighteen I stopped drinking for a whole eight years, can you believe...? Went on holiday for a week or two, a couple of beers, I thoroughly enjoyed too... Thought nothing of it & bang before I knew I was back with my drinking crew...

Twenty-six years old, with nothing to do but deny that I had a problem at all... I stayed away from slippery places so no way I could've slipped...? That's what I told them all... Yeah me with my foolish denial self... pretending I had a grip & was doing so well...

Now at 43 I'm still walking on my well-travelled road & will be until I die... That's the price to pay when living in...

DENIAL (Don't Even Know I Am Lying) The guilt & shame of all the pain & dis blame... only me to answer too...

Only my pain my blame, I forgot I hurt people too... I'm sorry, truly I am... I hope one day you can see how hurting you wasn't meant intentionally... I thought I was only hurting me, that's denial once again you see I hope one day you will forgive me... I can no longer lie...

I'll be in recovery until I die & do understand if you never try... I threw a pebble so big, that the ripples just kept going for as far as you could see... For that alone, I am so sorry... IT'S AMAZING WHAT A DRINK CAN DO... (My Addiction)