I'M HOLDING ON... LET IT GO...

I'm trying my best to remain calm & in control...

But my thoughts & feelings are on a high, like a wild fire struck in a maze... 

Everything just all a blaze... I don't know if I can truly let it all go...?

I can't think I can & then suddenly I know I can't...

That's when my mess gets extra messy & slippery places no longer need my control...

Oil & water spots will be my plots...

I'll fall so hard & lose what I've gained...

Walking on my lonely road once again, because truth be told its easier than facing my pain... 

But with my relapses harder to come back from...

It's not only me I hurt, back to displacing blame because I cant handle my shame...

I don't wanna do this again & again...

So I need to really know if I really can let this betrayal from you go & try to move on...

Its knocked me for six, you getting your kicks, treating me like dirt so you could fuck & flirt...

I'd like to believe I'm older, wiser, matured a little & stronger from the addict that was once weak so to speak...

But the fact will always remain that addict & me have exactly the same name... 

Getting though everyday is a bonus for my sobriety...

This you knew, this you see, but still felt the need to belittle & betray me...

Please god grant me serenity...