To My Dear Neighbor

I remember you, always smiling
You were always a social butterfly
Helping others was what you did
I swear you were a magnet most of the time
You had many friends, and I am sure you still do
You always had on that dominant face
I wonder what it is, that you are like now
I have not encountered you, for years, I believe eight
You always partied and smoked ounces of weed
I recall your privacy with so many things
Always had an expression like the alpha of a wolf pack
I always felt your sense of defensiveness
You weren’t the best with school
But that is alright because most people genuinely aren’t
And I believe that time hurt you deeply
It contributed to your hindrance of being completely transparent
Your shields were held high, and, on your side, was that trusty search warrant
What was the warrant for?
You had to study others first before being vulnerable
And so, the story continues
You would kill for no one to discover your weaknesses
You would do everything in your power to not fully let one in
When someone did not give you the attention you required
I know deep down, you were emotionally raging with fire
It was almost as if you were silently screaming, “don’t leave me here in this loneliness again!”
Was it trauma that you faced in the past?
You knew the world wasn’t a playground before I did
You had experience, for many years
And unfortunately, I didn’t
Your innocence was killed before mine was
I remember doing stupid things for your attention back then
Just wanting to fulfill the vacuums I had in my flesh
When you gave me that attention, it swept me off my feet
I acted stuck up, I gave you an attitude, I used to make jokes
It happens when one hides their feelings because someone gives one the attention one needs
I did not want to show you that I appreciated your attention
I was a stupid teen back then
And the drug I loved was your neighborly affection
I eventually became attracted to you and developed a crush
Every time I saw you, I felt an overwhelming rush
I remember going through your Facebook page multiple times
I remember adding you on Instagram
I remember adding you twice
I recall the amount of anxiety before I clicked that request
Slightly panicking you wouldn’t accept it, and I would be a complete mess
Can’t you see that your attention was my drug?
Where are we now? We are both adults
And as I write this poem,
My mind gets deeply infiltrated with thoughts
It was only when I grew older that I realized you had MANY insecurities
You were broken from childhood
When you began drinking, you weren’t even a teen
And honestly, that is truly not normal to me
I see now that you clearly weren’t well
I can’t say I know one hundred percent what happened behind closed doors
I can’t say I know the demons that in you dwelled
You’re emotional and sensitive
You hate when people use you and treat you like trash
You were always very thoughtful
But I know you hated it when no one reciprocated that thoughtful nature back
Rumors went around saying your father was an alcoholic
I did not know if it was true or not
But then I got older, and I discovered, that your father played with the alcoholic machine slot
And I remember your dad
Interrogating me with questions
Comparing my life to where his was currently at
He just wanted to feel better about himself
Belittling others when he clearly needed help
I even remember your brother and sister interrogating me as well
But now I clearly see that they were also aiming to escape an earthly hell
I pray not to be bitter about those sorrowful times
I pray that the Lord may help me move on
Oh, please Father God, just help us all get through LIFE
Listen, dear neighbor, you were internally shattered
Broken pieces on the floor, all dispersed and unevenly scattered
I pray that you let God fix the hole in your heart
He will certainly help you, but you must do your part
Listen, dear neighbor, I will still pray for you
And I pray it is heaven, that you’ll one day pursue