Is it so much to ask, I wonder
My thoughts overshadow my sleep and I am stuck in a paralysis of what if
What if I hadn't responded to that first hello
What if I hadn't hugged you the first time I saw you
What if I hadn't let myself fall for you
Fall so hard it hurts as I beg for yet another day to be proclaimed as your secret lover
"It can never be me" an anthem I liked saying
But look at me now
Like the dry ground yearning to be quenched
I yearn for your attention
Am I under a spell
Because I can see myself falling deeper into the arms of my perpetrator
The only person who made me believe that maybe love doesn't deserve labels
Your unspoken words make me question the undeniable attachments I have that drain the life out of me
They say our white blood cells are the soldiers of our body
But how come they fail to protect me from your deadly claws
With nails clenching my heart which has self-medicated so much its immune to the pain
Do I serve as part of your statistics
Of the girls, you managed to manoeuver into your mansion of dead-end promises
In my paralysis, I just wonder what if just for a day
I had control
To toy, you like my puppet
Strings attached to your body, like how each word you said left a mark
Controlling my soul
Only then I believe will you realize
How helpless it feels to be controlled
I can control my words, but this heart of mine beats only for one person
The same person who yet again has managed to manipulate me into believing that fairytales exist
That every person deserves a 50th chance
Oh my, for how long will you endure the pain organ
I can't call you my heart because you don't belong to me anymore
I no longer want to fall in love
Falling is painful
I want to walk into it
Slide into it
Gently lay with it
I want so much because what-ifs only limit your expectations
Making you too scared to take the first step
The first step of admitting that am not yours, neither are you mine
Whether its the wrong place or just terrible timing
I hope in your next life you feel the warmth of a love I have failed to make you feel
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Author:
Mimie (
Offline)
- Published: July 18th, 2021 06:16
- Comment from author about the poem: If hopes could only come true, only then will my heart stop beating so I can be reborn into a love so warm I will be happy
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 44
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