Neil Higgins

The Television

Notice of absence from Neil Higgins
Me going to be very busy for a while so wont be on the site for a short period of time.
I will return however quite soon.

Here it stands in my house doing nothing fancy.
Except maybe it's camera is doing a glance.
Does it expect a dance as I motion towards its screen.
Would it react if I screem obscenities as it is so unclean.
Beneath a thin film of dust does it want to be switched on as though in ever sociopathic mode.
For it has over 500 channels to view at the whim of my control.
For my remote has a terrible demeaning soul.
One click of a button and my television becomes something else.
Is it magic or tricks or comic inspired as easily it becomes tired,
and says Service Not Available or able,
if you have not paid the bill,
so until then tough luck my friend,
go and have a rest and bye bye until.
Did you miss last week's episode of Stranger On The Shore.
Never mind as it was the end of series 64, and they're not writing any more.
Yes you can be a cantankerous old swine,
but for the grand I paid at the local shrine.
I often wonder should I have paid more and got your bigger brother with it's Oled bling,
and that woman's piercing voice who must be deaf,
as she says,Sorry I didn't understand that, all the time.
Or maybe stuck with grans old black and white,
to watch News At Ten with a glass of bite.
At least I could thump the bloody thing when its Bakelite smelled of burning fire.
And throw it out the bloody window and to bed I would retire.


  • The Uneducated O.A.P

    Yes, mines going out of the window too, buying a piano for a good old sing song with the family,
    Happy days.

  • orchidee

    Yes, gonna throw mine out too, if I see a mind-numbing, height of boredom Nationwide advert once more. Nothing at all to do with finances. 30 seconds ad seems like 30 minutes.
    Wish they would stop wasting money on those ads.

  • Doggerel Dave

    Do correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I detect a certain ambivalence here when it comes to your relationship with your television....could I be right, Neil?

  • Neil Higgins

    Useless bloody contraption.Paired with a local cable box provider,and often it goes wrong Dave.Series record.Monday Tuesday? No Series.And what's this +link that says,do you want to delete episodes Eh?
    And why do I get a thumbs up sign against programs I haven't requested to record.Oh I see.Because I watched a program on Roman history,YOU thought I'd like to watch all this other stuff.
    And that infernal Alexa woman.There.Said it.
    Sorry.I don't understand.
    Of course not.Your deaf!!
    And why do I need two remotes.
    Going to see my therapist ASAP 🤬

  • Accidental Poet

    I used to have a bucket of rubber bricks. And when one of those stupid commercials would raise my eyebrows, well needless to say, the bucket of rubber bricks ended up as a pile in front of the TV. ; )

    • The Uneducated O.A.P

      I'd have thrown the bucket, lol

      • Accidental Poet

        Oh, when I ran out of bricks, the bucket joined the bricks. ; )

      • Trenz Pruca

        Haha,,,I have several broken TVs. their screens litter my living room. The remaining screen flickers silently while I read this. Good poem. Thank you.

      • Teddy.15

        LOL thinking about the television could drive me mad Neil, the thought of how it can get those people in there and so on. What a fun write. I most enjoyed this.

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