Strange Family

Strange family:

You can always choose your friends, they say, but your family’s here to stay

And I must admit mine really do my head in

Our circle’s getting smaller, so we’re only called to order

 at a funeral or occasionally a wedding

There’s mad old Uncle Mike, a bank robber all his life.

Forgets to take his stocking mask off when shopping with his wife.

Old Mike he deals in cash and when he brings home his stash he fills his mattress till it’s nearly busted.

He hides away his “Bread” all around his bed, “Coz Security in banks just can’t be trusted!”

There’s dear old uncle Frank, who one day for a prank put all of his clothes arranged the wrong way round.

Coz strange old Uncle Sid had bet him fifty quid that he would n’t then go walking round the town.

So Frank set off in hope with the buttons on his coat facing backwards while his head looked straight ahead.

He was run over by a van and the paramedic man killed him when he turned around his head.

There’s dear old Auntie Joyce who has the sort of voice that sounds like Tom cats fighting in  the street 

Her husband Uncle Jeff pretends that he is deaf and doesn't answer back or ever give her cheek.

Jeff’s metaphor for life is just to let his wife go on like a fog horn on a cruiser

This strategy by him means that Jeff remains within her good books and he gets to go tut boozer.

Then weird old Uncle Rex, who collects unusual pets and walks them round the block in every weather

The neighbors  laugh at him walking with a tin of salmon that he keeps upon a tether.

All families have strange members of every type and gender you may not recognise that this here fact  is true.

So if you can’t recall the one that’s “ Off the wall”, it’s likely that the crazy one ………. Is you!