My Truths {24th May 2019}

My past was my mistake...

If only I'd made different choices?

If only I'd seen what was to become of it all...

Thank you for standing beside me though it all...

Feeling small... My tots, my babies I don't see at all...

Four years gone & even though I know I'm wrong, I'm scared of what's ahead for me...

Or if I can be the mum, they so do deserve me to be...

I can't go back, Or change the things I done, the choice's I alone made...

I can't get back the time that's been lost with my three babies that I left behind...

Growing up never to see what expression expecting little beings they come to be...

With a little hope they would be blessed with a mouth like mine... Rack & ruin any time...

Don't even need any wine... 

Always Hoping & praying they are never as selfish as me... 

It wasn't planned that I became so out of hand...

But destructive oils come hand in hand with me...

that's no excuse I know, its not easy come easy go...

Thanks to you I learned I had to let go...

To stop looking for excuses from my past... 

The hands of time go by so fast...

Looking at you, Looking at me...

Why didn't I open my eyes to see...

It wasn't your fault... It never ever was...

It was all me... 

Awful habit I have running away from responsibility... 

Then want to be responsible when I've already gone & lost it all...

That's not the little bit of Irish in me...

I'm wired wrong, been that way since the day I was born...

That doesn't help you, & when in denial it didn't help me...

Looking in the mirror was the truth that I drank, drunk from...

Now I can clearly see...

Still doesn't help you,  But one day I will set you free, from any doubt you have about me...